Going through life you set goals, you work hard and then you hope to reap what you sow, RIGHT? We are bred from childhood to distinguish between failure and success, between achieving and failing and some of us(actually very few in my opinion) ever learn what real hard work is. Be is physical or mental, VERY few people actually do work really hard for something they want.
What if recovery is going a bit slower than what you had hoped for? You tend to it, you think about it, and you overly nurture it holding on to ‘that’- whatever that is which makes you so damned different and disordered. Everyone has something to them, but those in recovery have ‘that’ and people can smell it from 100 miles away. Its mental, it is in your walk, it is in your talk, it is in your ability to say yes or no, to stick your nose up or go along with the ride. It is in your every move and detail of you life. You got it, and other people really truly think its fucked up…your different. Recovery involves mending this garden and getting rid of the weeds holding you back. How do you just stop, just change? How do you just go with it, the flow of life? Why the fuck cant you just be normal? These are thoughts and questions I have asked myself in the past, and aspects I still occasionally dwell on.
But the main goal and ability picked up by many in recovery is that patience is a virtue, you can’t force anything to happen and if you’re trying to, then stop it…let it go. There are sparks and highlights in recovery here and there; times when you’re damned proud of yourself, times when you should be a Mexican jumping bean of enthusiasm but you’re not, and times where you want and need the company of others but times where you need to be with yourself and learn to trust and accept that person.
People know your potential, don’t give anything less and don’t expect others to ‘settle’ with a lesser than adequate person. Give people your all, but give recovery your every ounce of energy because in the end, your own ability to maintain happiness is all that counts. When you find that passion you and everyone is born with, you can run with it, and be able to do whatever you want.
Take each day one at a time without goals and without standards, without plans, and without the ED mind in your presence. Eventually you look at a day with things to do, people to socialize with, feelings and aspects of real life, your ED is left behind because there is more to you now. Lose the selfishness and you lose the disease, one day after the other and just as beautiful as the last.
Can’t put your finger on it? Cant figure out HOW to get rid of the ED ora you travel everywhere with. Well, first thing is first, if you look like your starving, your brain is whacked out and you suffer some horrendous malnutrition. Either take it upon yourself to eat the fucking food, don’t worry about its tastes or textures and I would actually recommend you stick to bland foods. You need to lose the obsession you have with food, and plain fatty meat and potatoes is an easy route. Make a shit load, and eat it. It will already be cooked and ready. This takes the thinking about food away. It doesn’t matter WTF you think or count up, you’re gonna eat the same damned bland yet nutritious food(potato, sweet potato, ground beef, liver, chuck, pork butt, whole fishes, eggs etc) until your mind has had enough. You WILL lose the overly active reward mechanism in your brain- or at least repair it. So don’t go overly seasoning ANYTHING, if anything, just some sea salt on your food(NOT THE WHOLE THING coated and then dipped in salt). Get rid of the sauces, condiments and things you bank on your flavor because it isn’t helping slow down your mind. KISS
Patience is what seems to be bountifully on your side in recovery. It takes forever, yes. But guess what, actively(this means making progress by the way, actual results…GET SOME) acting upon yourself and your recovery is everything youll ever need. Learn to appreciate and be proud of the fruits of your labor(mostly mental). Sit with yourself ans you learn to accept that pride and achievement. You need to take pride in everything that has come to be. But for most and myself included, it seems like you just can’t quite get the routine right. This point is crucial. No matter what, don’t give up on it. EVERY ONE has their time, their pace and their patience! THE POINT, is staying active. Don’t expect results if youre not changing. Don’t expect to be less than obsessed with food if your choking down artificial sweeteners and bottle dips on everything, or better yet is your using a whole seasoning cabinet on everything you do eat. Those do not give results. Those feed addiction, and this feeds an eating disorder. Don’t try and think up the best combo of food just because you know you have to eat. No, lose the obsession, lose the flavor enhancement, lose the ‘it’ you carry around with you. If you are constantly improving and fine tuning your work, keep going! Recovery lies in seeing changes, not thinking about them, having results, not planning for them.
Step back and see what you can improve on….but then do actually DO IT. Like they say doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity. Don’t throw in the towel, but make changes. You have to. Your doomed if you don’t.
what do you do to keep going forward, to not give up? Ultimately you can’t expect someone to just go recover and change their every move and expect to gain something in life. That would be expecting them to change who they are. There is nothing you can do about right now, like it or hate it. You cant make anyone understand or make someone else change who they are. The world will not change to cater to you. Nothing you can do about that either. Don’t lose that spark for a passion, get worn out and discouraged by too much rejection, or just not getting far enough no matter how much the re-haul or effort put in. keep at it. Make active changes. Make changes that are seeable. Make changes you can appreciate and changes others can see, talk about, enjoy.accomplishing a goal is one thing, like tackling a fear food, but grabbing the world and attacking a fear food IS recovery. Everyone can enjoy it, share it, and be part of it. THIS forces the mental obsession away. THIS is what, over time and repeated, will bring results.
You get back whatever you put out, so don’t think about what you don’t have or what you didn’t get. Perhaps learning to let go of that want will be the best thing to do. To be satisfied with what you have, and anything else is just ____. Do not let something out of nowhere erase your self confidence and drive for recovery. Don’t let someone dampen your spirits or harp on something you do(given it is a good thing)
“Never think that God’s delays are God’s denials. Hold; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.”
– Georges-Louis Leclerc