Where I stand… Sunday, Jun 5 2011 

Does it ever cross your mind why you developed an eating disorder? Like, of everyone in the whole entire flippin world, VERY FEW PEOPLE truly suffer from real anorexia nervosa. Sure, plenty of people use retarded weightloss methods like veganism, kimkins, cabbage soup, HCG to starve themselves but they don’t develop a debilitating eating disorder. They don’t get that pointless, dwelling, insecure, empty and secluded obsession with starvation. They don’t get ‘high’ off seclusion and loneliness, all the while feeding on it, but at the same time maintaining hope and desperately wanting real life back. When you suffer, and even throughout recovery, life is not real. If you’re in recovery right now and you think life is real, you’re not actively recovering and providing results, sorry nope. Nothing about it is pure, with raw emotion. Sure, there’s a ton of raw hate, fear and misconceptions along with a kids first Christmas list length of rules and regulations you set for yourself, but NONE of that is real. When you are diagnosed, and told you should be dead or momentarily you WILL be dead because your heart, BMI, blood pressure and insulin are tanked beyond belief…shit gets real. It’s like a quick glimpse. Shit, you fucked up. But where in the hell was reality the long extended period of time it took you to get where you are?

What the fuck happened to reality while you were jogging 10 miles, bloating yourself full with celery, calling half a slice of deli meat a protein sufficient meal, throwing away meals because no one was around, chugging 4 bottles of zero calorie Gatorade, and coming up with these bizarre ass lies about yourself, your life and not to mention your food. Did you ever just straight up lie? I did, I use to do it all the freakin time. I would create lies so big that by the end of it someone should have slapped me for trying to pull off something so stupid. I would tell my parents I ate at the cafeteria on campus, that I was ‘going to the mall’ when I really went and walked the 7 mile perimeter surrounding the mall with no desire to ever step foot in the establishment. I told them I had a sweet potato and burger at work(Logan’s, worked their while incredibly anorexic) so didn’t need food, however when I got home I had to complete my daily ritual and make a slightly burnt bag of fat free 100 calories popcorn. God forbid someone ask why I needed popcorn if I had just had dinner, bag would be in the trash and I would be lividly pissed, to the point I had to leave the house. But don’t worry mom, I had already eaten dinner. Would you daydream and ponder that something was off with you in the midst of doing the very disordered actions that were causing it? Lifting at the gym while pondering about how to restrict. Dozing off in class dreaming of food. Starring mindlessly at the food network channel while feeling this pride in the ability to starve. ‘Challenging’ yourself and your control by baking obnoxious amounts of cookies and calorie laden junk for other people and getting off to seeing them consume it. Lying in bed all night preplanning the next day’s routine (weigh, shower, workout, class, walk, workout, walk around random stores to stay away from home). Weighing, and thinking continuously dropping weight just might not be as good an idea as it feels but damn you’re strong and controlled. WHERE WAS REALITY WHEN I NEEDED IT???

My hair fell out and stuck to the side of the shower, my upper arms and stomach were full of blonde fuzzy hair like a polar bear, my eyes were so sunk in and empty looking I was a walking dead person. I couldn’t have a conversation because I didn’t know how to think in the moment. Everything that was said to me just passed by like a breeze. I couldn’t reply because I had no idea what you said. But geez, ask me what I did that day or what I ate, I would ramble on for 20 minutes justifying every single step I took that day. I didn’t just justify life to others, I spent my days and nights justifying everything I did to my other self, everything I was going to do, and everything I thought about.

But in comes recovery. Really, nothing good comes out of the first 6-8 months of recovery. The entire time frame blows ass. When done correctly, you hate your parents, you hate your doctors, you hate society, you hate those who question when your baby is due(all the weight is in your belly/face/arms), you have a love/hate relationship with God or you even lose all faith, you scream into pillows because you can’t go fucking walk 15 miles, you can’t plan a day of celery or carrots, you can’t see what you weigh, you can’t have your fat-free liquids, you can’t spend the day by yourself away from your family and society, you can’t just have ‘2 weeks to ‘get it right.’ Ever try that one? Someone steps into your ED territory trying to burst your bubble. You swear up and down with your life that given just 2 weeks you’ll get it right, you’ll change and no one will have to worry about you. THIS, THIS IS THE BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT that an anorexic can try and pull because guess what…2 weeks wont prove you anything and you won’t prove anything to anybody. It doesn’t work like that. Putting yourself on recovery death row for 2 weeks to ‘get better’ is like telling someone without a leg it’ll grow back in time. You’ll get it back don’t worry, walking in no time…

Most anorexics develop the disease without really knowing what it is. I had no idea what anorexia nervosa even was until I started googling when ‘dieting’ in college. I knew what bulimia was, because sorority girls did it in college, we learned about it in health class. But anorexia was a classification totally new to me. I never knew an anorexic. The simple fact is that with such a misunderstood disease, no one in the entire world will ever be able to experience what you do, what you went through, how starving in times of coping and stress is the best brain dopamine agonist in the world, like a line of coke to an addict. No one will ever be able to make decisions for you, tell you what will work, what is right, how to cure yourself. That’s not possible. If someone lays out a recovery plan for you saying do X Y Z and eat A B C… they are wrong. They are absolutely hands down 100% wrong and you should run away from them. No one knows how to recover from this mental illness besides you.

Thing is, YOU cannot recover yourself, but all the while YOU are the only one who can repair what’s wrong. That probably makes no sense. But it’s the acceptance. To accept recovery is a calming aspect only because the worry, fear, and justification is ended- and this only happens is you allow it. You accept recovery and the weight you carried on your shoulders and the justify-every-move-in-lies life has to end. You accept that yup, life’s gonna suck for a while but 6-8 months(hell even a year) is NOTHING compared to the time it took you to get this way and the time you have left to live a healthy minded existence.

Recovery isn’t what can I eat

Recovery isn’t now I can eat _____

Recovery isn’t what I cannot eat

Recovery isn’t a meal plan

 

Recovery is establishing a reality. Throughout recovery you work towards ONE THING, reality. When you start living everyday as it comes, in society without limitations and rituals, no justifications and food times. No restricting all day or preplanning. That is reality. The reality in the beginning is that that others need to be the ones running the accountability in your life. If you don’t surrender to anorexia, you will never recover. You can’t be tough your whole life, you’ll die. Understand your will power isn’t going to change, just allow it to go elsewhere. Understand your stubbornness isn’t going to change, but you cannot justify it with food and rituals any longer. Life is now recovery, not a bubble. When you wake up, someone has made you breakfast. Doesn’t matter WTF it is, sit the fuck down and eat. If afterwards your ‘recoveree’ (person in charge of your every move, action, intake) goes to the store your ass is going, not staying at home to tally, ritualize or workout. If he/she asks you to pick out dinner, you’re picking it out and EVERYONE will be eating it.

 

There’s reality throughout recovery and there is no doctor in the world who can tell you how it is. It is about weight. Your weight is dependent how how f*cked your body  is. Restricting, binging, purging, food choices, restrictions, exercise…all of this plays into how your weight drops, increases and flaunts on different parts of your body throughout recovery. You gain, you lose, you bloat, you piss your ass off… all parts of recovery. You shit and pray no one wants to enter the bathroom for a few hours, and you become constipated and AGONIZE over why you’re not ‘going’ and considering every route to getting shit out of you. All normal. You didn’t treat your body correctly so please, don’t expect it to act correctly. You’re going to over think everything, that’s your personality.

 

Also note:

 

You will fuck up in recovery

You will make good choices in recovery

You will reconsidering many choices afterward and consider how good they really were

You will convince yourself you’re going crazy

You mood will wildly fluctuate

Everything will be based around fear

You will snap at people, and yourself

YOU.WILL.BINGE.IN.RECOVERY.

 

 

AND LET ME TELL YOU from experience, one of the worst feelings in life will be post first binging episode. Holy wow. I have never felt so bad, wanted to run and workout the rest of my life, cried more and been angry at the same time ever. Expect it, shit happens. It’ll happen more than once. You’ll be full and then swear you want to nibble on food. You’ll go crazy if and when you attempt to calculate those calories you just ate. You’ll try to back out of some plans, but the good ol recoveree will drag you along.

At the same time, you’ll mentally restrict your entire recovery. Regardless of whether or not you gain weight, if you’re in recovery then damnit you’re gonna gain weight. But damnit at the same time you want 100% say in that weight gain, total control of it- aint happening. You will restrict somewhere, somehow. You’ll try to count up calories and your brain is GO_GO_GO until that magical weight where people will get off your back. But it doesn’t stop; you didn’t shut down your brain your entire weight gaining phase and when everyone is happy for you at the magic weight they determined, your brain is STILL moving a million miles an hour and still feeding off of your restrictive obsessions and the damned fear. The fear, it’s so real and there’s so much. The first thing you’ll attempt to do is to control your anxieties and that means immediate social withdrawal. You’ll be swarmed with so many irrational fears and behaviors. It’s always the next fear, the next step, the next choice, the next critique.

The IS recovery. These are all accomplishments and they need to be seen as just that. But at the same time, this IS LIFE. You need to accept that. When you get a dose of the real world, you understand how out of reality you are. It’s not food or weight. It’s about people, a job, a family, it’s about DOING FOR OTHERS. It’s about learning to budget your money to pay off loans, it’s about your car dying and not getting a used car loan to replace it, it’s about being laid off from your job, it’s about always having bills to pay, it’s about getting a flat, it’s about tripping over your own feet, it’s about hitting the 5pm rush hour. But its also about getting up and looking presentable and confident with yourself, making breakfast because it’ll make you happier and relatively more sane when the a$$wipe runs a stop sign in front of you. It’s about packing a lunch or going to lunch with coworkers because spending an hour away from the desk and in the park makes you feel good. Sharing food in the company of others makes you socially happy and confident. It’s about calling a husband or friend after work to hang out, cook dinner, sit around and complain or watch TV. It’s about picking up right when you get off work because someone asked you to go shoot pool. It’s about spending an entire weekend somewhere besides a comfort zone, taking plans as they come.

 

How do you do it? How do you get back the sane drive and success in emotions and relationships you once had? How do you end the self destruction and sole ‘purpose’ in life being everything you plan out?

 

You need to tackle fear. You need to tackle anxiety. You need to allow the overwhelming flood of fear to be resolved in a healthy manner. That takes other people. You need to direct your thoughts and actions toward other people, not yourself. You surely don’t think as irrationally about others and their lives as you do your own. It needs weight gain. You can’t tackle fear without weight gain. I think to date I have gained 40-45lbs. I still need to gain. Did you read that correctly….I AM STILL WORKING ON RECOVERY AND GAINING WEIGHT. I still fuck up. I still get caught up. I still do not have a menstrual cycle, 6 years and counting. I still stress. The difference is I don’t attack food, I don’t starve myself, and I don’t perform rituals and analyze food. I don’t preplan meals and I don’t obsess over food. As I have said from the get go, eat real food. There is some sort of medicinal purpose and healing in real food. Does that mean I have no problem overeating everyday to get the results I desire and need? Hell no but nothing is going to come of my complaining about it any longer. Accepting myself at a stable weight, normal BMI, and all health factors(save the period) in superb check pluses does not help me want to gain more weight. But this isn’t about what I want. This is about what I need. I am strong and confident enough not to need anyone on my back following my every move any longer.

 

Right now, this is where shit gets real. This is where you show how strong you are. Recovery is nothing, absolutely NOTHING until you are left with yourself, and your ability to maintain what you have accomplished and flourish with it. You no longer have anything to prove to anyone BUT yourself. You have to find self pride and self confidence because without it, you’ll resort back to rituals and bad food habits. If you don’t have the clarity to accept this and CONTINUE to provide yourself results, then you will resort to destructive habits. Remember what your goal is. Remember you have support. Remember you have belonging even when you lose sight of it.

 

It’s no longer that now I have to gain weight or now I have to provide results. I am no longer in recovery for other people. I no longer need to prove anything to anyone besides myself. No more my parents want this and that, the doctor expects these results…all that is gone. I am with myself, and I am in charge to acting like the 25 year old adult I am and dealing with life as it comes and on top of that working towards fertility. I do not want to disappoint myself or those who love me.

 

It seems a lot of people get into this stuffing their faces full of calories at night ritual in recovery or after weight gain. I don’t understand it. It makes no sense when you think about it IN reality. But I do suffer the same weird ass ritual sometimes. It’s like a hole you dig yourself into and it just keeps getting deeper and then you’re stuck. I can tell you the only way to get out of the habit is to break it, face the fear, and continue to face it. Accept it makes you miserable in terms of emotions, digestively and absolutely affects your ability to sleep and wake up refreshed. Accept that. Write it down. Remember those feelings. Wake up and remember it. Because you sure as hell do not want it to happen another night, not one. As stuck as you think you are, you’re  not. You can change it, you just need to tackle your fear. Which decision is going to end better? Which decision is better right now? Really, reality…think about it.

 

So have at it. I have no one expecting anything out of me…I KNOW what I want. I want a husband and children. That means looking and acting the part. No one will ever date a woman who doesn’t look capable of having children, nor will anyone be able to attach themselves to you until you learn to attach to yourself, show confidence with that self and provide that spark of mystery you once had- what kept people coming back for more.

 

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I got Twitter :) and a Tan Thursday, May 19 2011 

Some I have hated since I ever learned about it….TWITTER…. I must confess, I joined 🙂

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Obviously I am updating… I have been doing some more reading, on the brain. It seems a lot of health bloggers are coming around to my instinct I grasped when i started over analyzing the brain in relation to health. The reward circuits are VERY interesting. If you are interested then I definitely insist you check out Stephan’s series on Obesity and Reward; it is a 3part series and ever so interesting. Matt Stone also did a recap on addiction and the brain here. Again, very intriguing and the comments are relate-able.

I am currently loving my potatoes 🙂 I also ate like 3 pints of fresh strawberries in the past week. But I am also still in love with my fat, for real…you’ll never ever convince me fat is bad when it comes from good sources. I love me some BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTA, macadamia nuts, coconut oil, ghee, lard, even avocados(I got 3 for $1.50 and ate them all lol)…I think you get the idea haha.

So, y’all are free to follow me if you want, don’t know how much tweeting I will do it’s just cool to click up on when the ADD kicks in at the desk job haha.

http://twitter.com/#!/MalPaz2003

Post Lent Showdown! Wednesday, Apr 27 2011 

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Still alive guys! I am thinking of starting a new blog just about my everyday life (and the amount of weirdos I run into day to day) but then I remembered I cant even keep this on running updated soooooo we will see.

Anyways for lent I gave up taking photos of myself, and I gave up dairy. 40 DAYS WITH NO DAIRY PRODUCT WHATSOEVER. I thought the first couple of days I was going to die because I missed the dense saltiness. But, I learned a few things. Like how to eat real food and use it to your liking. Just a few foods I have been inhaling the past 40+days:

*Okinawan Potatoes…everyone in the world needs to try these

*Weird potatoes form the Asian store(I don’t know their names!)

*Sweet taters

*Taro

*Coconut oil & flakes

*Acorn Squash(as a dessert with butter & cinnamon)

*Eggs(especially scrambled in pork fat)

*beef shank

*oxtail

*pork belly

*dandelion greens

*steak/chicken/pork steak- the usual cuz something is always on sale

*homemade sausage(spiked with fennel yum)

*beef jelllllooooooo(stock)

*clams/WHOLE roasted fishes/shrimp/crab

*typical canned sardines/salmon

*tried beets(ehh…ok)

Trying some different sauces…tomato and mustard and stock and learning to use spices and fresh herbs so send recipes my way if you got em! Having no meat on Fridays was actually fun and I might keep it up. Gives me more reason to roast whole fishes!!!!!!!

If you can tell I totally got over any lingering fear of starch and carbohydrates. Gonna add in rice sometime and see how I handle it. Still totally primal(even more so sans dairy) because I think it’s right for me, you do what works for you as always J I don’t know if I will add back dairy because my digestion is superb. I credit it to all the bone marrow in the shanks, knowing on oxtails, and yummy fermented vegetables. Actually, I don’t know I would classify myself as ANYTHING, as a good, smart man said in this post _Archevore_ it is all about finding what modern day offers us to be healthy and what it doesn’t.

Basically I am a happy and not worried about much. Fertility is on my mind, but I have accepted what will happen will happen. I think that’s the most sane and rational thing someone in my position can do.

By the way, a year ago this time I was starting to try chin ups. I couldn’t even do ONE. Then I worked up with negatives, jumping up to the chin up and slowly lowering. Then I attempted chin ups until I could do one….NOW I CAN DO 3 SETS OF 12….Get On My Level!!!!!!!!!!!

Make Your Own Call… Tuesday, Apr 5 2011 

Anthropological Research Reveals Human
Dietary Requirements for Optimal Health
H. Leon Abrams, Jr., MA, EDS
Associate Professor Emeritus of Anthropology, ECJC,
University System of Georgia, Swainsboro, Georgia.

Journal of Applied Nutrition, 1982, 16:1:38-45
Reprinted with permission of the author.

Many claims are set forth stating what the “natural” diet of humans is
or should be, but in order to ascertain what constitutes the basic
dietary requirements for optimal health, the problem must be
approached from an anthropological perspective which encompasses the
total dietary evolution and history of mankind, a scrutinization and
syntheses of human diets from the earliest times to the present, the
diets of mankind’s nearest relatives, the primates, and cross-cultural
dietary comparisons of primitive and modern societies.

There are one hundred and ninety-two living higher species of primates
in addition to humans. (30) Until recently, it was taken for granted
that all monkeys and apes were vegetarians, but ethological studies
(1, 2, 12) revealed that all primates, in their natural habitat, also
eat small animals. The National Zoo in Washington attempted to breed
the Amazon Golden Marmoset monkey in captivity, but failed until
animal protein was added to their diet. (5) It had been erroneously
assumed that they were complete vegetarians, but apparently they must
have some animal protein in order to be fertile. With the addition of
animal protein, they reproduce rapidly in captivity. (5)

Until the research of Goodall (16, 52) it was assumed that Chimpanzees
eat only plant foods, but she discovered that they kill and eat
monkeys, baby baboons, and other small animals and concluded that
there was a small but fairly regular number of them captured and eaten
throughout the year. Gibbons, orangutans, and baboons also kill and
eat small animals regularly. (35, 44) The simplest of all primates,
the tree shrew, which resembles the supposed ancestor of today’s
primates most closely, lives entirely on small animals. Ethological
studies have necessitated the reclassification of monkeys and apes
from herbivores to omnivores, and indicate that all primates have a
basic need for some animal protein in their diet if health is to be
maintained. (1)

The first humans, the Australopithecines (9, 11, 54) (and Homo
habilis), who appeared around four million years ago, included food
plants in their diets, but they apparently ate a large number of small
animals and were scavengers; they ate the remains of any large animals
they could find, and therefore were able to secure a large amount of
meat. (43) Around one million years ago, man had evolved into Homo
Erectur (Peking and Java Man), and had greatly increased his ability
to hunt large game. His life centered entirely around the hunt for
game (4, 20, 50). Following in the evolutionary sequence was
Neanderthal man (early Homo Sapiens), followed by Cro-Magnon Man. (36)
Again, there has been a progressive increase in the hunting technology
especially for large game. The driving force that compelled Cro-Magnon
man to all unpopulated parts of the inhabitable world was his quest
for game. Actually, the disappearance of many game species, such as
the wild horse, mammoth, et. al., was not due to climatic change, but
to man hunting them to extinction in his quest for meat. (7, 28) From
the very beginning, the diet of humans has been meat oriented,
therefore the evidence seems to warrant the conclusion that our human
progenitors, from the very beginning around four million years ago,
have relied heavily upon meat as a major source of food; they were
omnivorous, but the emphasis was on meat, not on plant foods. (7) Man
turned only to agriculture, which began around 10,000 years ago, when
he had largely exhausted the seemingly endless supply of game due to
his ever increasing population. (7)

Of humans some four million years on earth, 99% of this time has been
that of hunting game and gathering wild plants. (21) And, when the
animals had been hunted to either extinction or near extinction, then
and only then did humans turn to agriculture and animal domestication.
(7) However, when humans turned to agriculture, a large percentage of
the crops was devoted to rearing domesticated animals for meat. Meat
has been, and remains so when available, the choice food of mankind
because it supplies all the nutrients, amino acids, minerals,
vitamins, and essential elements necessary to sustain sound health.
For example, the surest source of vitamin B-12 is animal protein. (2)

**********No cultures or people in the world have ever been 100%
vegetarians;
however, a number, such as the Masai of Africa (25, 26), Plains
Indians (7), the Eskimo (29, 42, 47, 48, 49) and the Lapps (34), in
their traditional culture, subsist almost entirely on meat and have
been very healthy. When they adapted to our modern diet which is high
in refined carbohydrates, their health deteriorated rapidly; they
developed a high incidence of degenerative diseases characteristic of
our modern civilization, especially heart disease.
(2)******************************************

In 1957, several hypotheses maintained that there is a direct
relationship between diet, especially animal fats, and coronary heart
disease and cancer of the colon. (19) All of these studies are
controversial because a large percentage of the supporting data has
been epidemiological in nature, and many studies contradictory to
these findings have been made (13, 14, 15, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 31, 32,
51).

The publicity given these studies implicating foods containing
cholesterol and saturated fats, such as “red meat,” in causing heart
disease and cancer, has prompted many people to adopt, erroneously, a
total or partial vegetarian diet in the hope of maintaining or
restoring sound health and thus avoiding heart disease and cancer.
(2)

For example, Puerto Ricans eat a large amount of animal fat, but have
a very low rate of colon cancer and breast cancer. (13) A comparative
study on the incidence of colon and breast cancer was carried out in
Finland and the Netherlands because both peoples consume about the
same amount of animal fat per capita per day. Even though the animal
fat consumption was the same, breast and colon cancer rates in the
Netherlands was discovered to be almost double that of Finland
although vegetable oil consumption in the Netherlands in much higher
than in Finland. (13)

Weidman and his colleagues (53) carried our a cross-cultural study,
with a follow-up, centered on specific adult risk factors for
atherosclerosis in 103 white school children ranging in age from six
to sixteen; and concluded that diet is not of major importance in
having an impact on serum cholesterol levels. (53) Although Americans
have been recommended to eat a diet moderate in cholesterol and
calories, if carried too far it may result in some high risk factors
for children and especially for those who show low serum cholesterol
levels. (53)

A study conducted by N.E. Hitchcock and M. Bracey in the town of
Busselton, Western Australia, contradicts the orthodox view that diet
is closely correlated with the body’s level of serum cholesterol
content indicating a high risk for heart attack. (17) They studied
three groups of mothers and children at Busselton; one with high
cholesterol, one with medium and one with low cholesterol levels. They
studied the diet patterns of each group and found no significant
difference among them in the percentage of daily energy contribution
of protein, fat or carbohydrates. They also noted that obesity was not
a factor in the cholesterol level since the levels or the obese did
not differ from the non-obese. They concluded that the result of their
study strongly indicates that diet does not account for the
differences in cholesterol levels of culturally homogenous groups.
They further state that the “correlation between habitual diet and
average serum cholesterol levels is good between contrasting
populations (for example, people of Japan and Finland),” and note that
“within a given culture, people eating the same kind of food can have
different serum lipids. Those who develop coronary heart disease do
not necessarily eat differently from those who do not.” (17)

As a result of the widespread publicity and promotion of vegetable
oils, millions of Americans are convinced that by not eating meat,
eggs, and dairy products and by consuming only plant fats
(polyunsaturated fats), that they will greatly reduce their chances of
suffering from heart disease that afflicts and kills a million or more
Americans every year. Scrutinization of the facts shows that they have
been lulled into a sense of false security. (23) They fail to know or
understand the following facts that are never carried in the
advertisements:

1. There is no positive or direct scientific proof that eating foods
high in cholesterol raises serum cholesterol levels. (23)

2. There is no positive or direct proof that high cholesterol levels
results in heart disease. (23)

3. There is no positive or direct proof that lowering cholesterol
levels will reduce one’s susceptibility to heart disease. (23)

4. Consuming great quantities of polyunsaturated fats or oils may be
detrimental to health. (23)

The present state of knowledge in the cholesterol diet controversy has
been evaluated by Reiser, who stated that the assumption that serum
cholesterol is directly related to saturated (animal fats) and
cholesterol in the diet is based upon three erroneous assumptions as
follows:

1. That each person is at equal risk of heart disease in proportion to
how much animal fat and cholesterol is included in the diet.

2. One’s risk of coronary heart disease will increase with the rise of
serum cholesterol.

3. One can control the rise in serum cholesterol by eliminating animal
fats and cholesterol containing foods.

He categorically sets forth clinical data that the above assumptions
are invalid when subjected to strict scientific investigation and do
not provide justification for people eliminating all animal fats and
meat from their diet. (38, 39, 40)

Michael DeBakey, world renowned heart surgeon from Houston, who has
devoted extensive research into the cholesterol coronary disease
theory, states that out of every ten people in the United States who
have atherosclerotic heart disease, only three or four of these ten
have high cholesterol levels; this is approximately the identical rate
of elevated cholesterol found in the general population. (10) His
comment: “If you say cholesterol is the cause, how do you explain the
other 60 percent to 70 percent with heart disease who don’t have a
high cholesterol?” In 1964 DeBakey made an analysis of cholesterol
levels from usual hospital laboratory testing of 1,700 patients with
atherosclerotic disease and found there was no positive or definitive
relationship or correlation between serum cholesterol levels and the
extent or nature of atherosclerotic disease. (10)

A comparative study of men in Crete and the village of Crevalcore,
Italy, indicates that there is probably no relationship between serum
cholesterol and coronary heart disease when the level is 245 mg of
cholesterol per 100ml. (38, 39, 40) The men in Crete show serum
cholesterol levels of 200mg/dl and have an incidence of less than one
coronary heart disease per 100 men in five years. In contrast, the men
in Crevalcore with similar serum cholesterol levels suffer an
incidence of approximately six cases of coronary heart disease in five
years. (38, 39, 40)

Many questions are being asked about the generally accepted and
greatly advertised theory that consumption of saturated fatty acids
(beef, lamb, mutton, butter, and pork) are major factors contributing
to hypercholesterolemia and heart disease, while the consumption of
polyunsaturated fatty acids (vegetable oils) will prevent coronary
heart disease. Rivers states that the trend toward eating so much
margarine and other vegetable oil products may be “exactly the wrong
thing,” and explains that because polyunsaturates are very unstable,
extra polyunsaturated fatty acids are added by substituting soft
margarines and stabilized vegetable oils for animal fats and butter.
The difficulty is, he continued, that the two changes lead to a
dramatic increase in the eating of trans-fatty acids that results in
hypercholesterolemic effects that far outweigh the reported benefits
of polyunsaturated fats. (41)

It seems that the human body requires some essential polyunsaturated
fatty acids such as linoleic and arachidonic acid, but the established
requirement seems to be only approximately 1% of calories. (18)
Studies strongly indicate that large consumption of margarine, and
other polyunsaturated vegetable fats, may be conducive to cancer. (37)
Animal experiments found that rats fed a chemical carcinogen in
addition to 20% vegetable polyunsaturated fat and a much higher
incidence of tumors than when fed a carcinogenic with animal fat. (37)
In a similar experiment, rats treated with a carcinogen and given 5%
corn oil had a 3.5 times higher incidence of colon tumors that did
rats who were maintained on 5% lard. (37)

Studies have also linked a high intake of polyunsaturates, which is
probably over 10% of the average American’s diet, with vitamin
deficiencies, liver damage, premature aging, nutritional muscular
dystrophy, cancer, and severe blood disease in infants. (23)
Polyunsaturated fatty acids are believed to be highly reactive
chemical compounds that render them possibly harmful; they can be
oxidized by ordinary cooking in one’s body when they react with
nitrous oxide in smog, from X-rays and sunlight and some trace metals
such as iron. (23) Passwater states that of fourteen tests conducted,
all showed a high correlation between eating high amounts of
polyunsaturates in the form of corn oil, peanut oil, margarines,
soybean oil, et al., and notes that presently Americans eat two to
three times more vegetable oils than were consumed sixty years ago. He
stresses that only from two to four percent of one’s diet should
consist of vegetable fats. (33)

Most hunting and gathering societies eat a large amount of meat. The
classical example is the Eskimo who lived almost entirely on land and
sea mammals, fish and birds. Anthropologist Vilhjalmur Steffansson,
who spent many years living with the Eskimo around the turn of the
century, found that they were in excellent health and remained so as
long as they maintained their traditional diet. (47) It was discovered
that as long as they ate fresh meat, they obtained an ample supply of
vitamin C which was previously thought to come only from plant
sources. However, cooking at high temperatures destroys vitamin C in
both meat and plant foods.

Although it was accepted that the Eskimo thrived in a high state of
good health on an almost complete meat diet, authorities stated that
the diet would probably be harmful for Europeans. To prove the thesis
that a 100% meat diet is sufficient for sound health, Vilhjalmur
Steffansson and Karsten Anderson submitted themselves to an experiment
conducted by The Russell Sage Institute of Pathology at Bellevue
Hospital, an affiliate of the Medical College of Cornell University.
For a period of one year, they ate only fresh meat in the ratio of two
pounds of fresh lean meat to one-half pound of fat per day.
Steffansson, who had been on the Eskimo diet for years, remained in
good health, while Anderson was found to be in much better physical
condition than when he began the experiment. (47) Steffansson
continued to live on the Eskimo diet for many decades, in very good
health, until his death at the age of 83.

Otto Schaeffer, a specialist in internal medicine and director of the
Northern Medical Research Unit at Charles Campbell Hospital, Arctic
Canada, found that as long as the Eskimo lived on his native diet in
the traditional manner, he remained in sound health and was
practically free from degenerative diseases, especially those that
afflict Americans. (42) He reports that with the adoption of the white
man’s diet, which consists largely of refined carbohydrates (sugar,
white flour), processed polyunsaturated fats, and other processed
foods, the Eskimo is widely afflicted with all the degenerative
diseases common to our modern society. (42)

There is a relationship between diet and degenerative diseases, but
the total history of mankind strongly indicates that the relationship
is not one of consuming meat and animal fats. Anthropological data
strongly suggest that as human societies developed a greater
dependence on cereal grain crops and other carbohydrate foods, such
was accompanied by undermining the health adaptations of food-
producing populations unless they were successfully able to maintain a
balance between meat and animal protein and their relatively low
content protein plant crops such as rice, wheat, barley, potatoes, and
corn. (6, 34) Since the last century, this deterioration has been
accelerated to a very high level due to the ever increasing use of
sugar (55, 56, 57, 58), refined white flour, coffee and other
caffeinated beverages, excessive consumption of salt, alcohol,
chemical preservatives, synthetic, processed and junk foods. (2)

it is in investigating the relationship of the effects that these
foods have upon the body, including smoking, that will probably be
most fruitful in providing answers to the ever increasing rate of
degenerative diseases.

Anthropological research proves that humans are both animal and plant
eaters, but of the two, animal foods are essential in human nutrition.
(2) The wisest diet is no doubt the one humans have followed for
millions of years, a diet that emphasizes fresh meat or animal protein
supplemented with wholesome plant foods augmented by ample exercise.

References

1. Abrams, H. Leon, Jr., “The Relevance of Paleolithic Diet in
Determining Contemporary Nutritional Needs,” J. Applied Nutr.
31:43-59. (1979).

2. Abrams, H. Leon, Jr., “Vegetarianism: AnAnthropological/Nutritional
Evaluation,” J. Applied Nutr. 32:53-87. (1980).

3. Bates, Marston, Gluttons and Libertines, New York, Random House,
pp. 48-49, (1967).

4. Braidwood, Robert J., Prehistoric Men, 8th edition, Glenville,
Ill., Scott, Foresman and Co., pp. 52-113, (1975).

5. Campbell, Sheldon, “Noah’s Ark in Tomorrow’s Zoo; Animals are a-
comin’, two-by-two,” Smithsonian, 8:42-50, (1978).

6. Cassidy, C.M., “Nutrition and Health in Agriculturalists and Hunter-
Gatherers,” Nutrtional Anthropology, Jerome, Norge W., Randy F. Kandel
and Frettel H. Pelto, editors, Pleasantville, New York, pp. 117-179,
(1980).

7. Cohen, Mark Nathan, The Food Crisis in Pre-History, New Haven, Yale
University Press, p. 15, (1977).

8. Constable, George, The Neanderthals, New York, Time-Life Books,
(1973).

9. Dart, Raymond, Adventures With the Missing Link, New York, Viking
Press, p. 255, (1969).

10. De Bakey, Michael, JAMA, 189:655-659, (1964).

11. Edey, Maitland A and The Editors of Time-Life Books, The Missing
Link, New York, Little, Brown, (1972).

12. Eimerl, Sarel, Devore, Irven, and the Editors of Life, The
Primates, New York, Time, Inc., pp. 152-53, (1965).

13. Enig, M.G., R.J. Munn, and M. Keeney, Fed Proc. 37:2215, (1978).

14. Enstrom, J.E. Br. J Cancer, 32:432, (1975).

15. Glueck, C.J. and W.E. Connor, Am J Clin Nutr, 31:727, (1978).

16. Goodall, Jane, Miss Goodall and the Wild Chimpanzees, A
documentary film of Jane Goodall’s studies of wild chimpanzees in
their natural habitat in a rain forest in Tanzania, Africa, National
Geographic, (1966).

17. Hitchciock, N.E. and M. Gracey, “Diet and Serum Cholesterol,”
Archives of Diseases of Childhood, 52:790, 1977, and Food and
Nutrition Notes And Reviews, Commonwealth Dept. Of health, Australia,
35:April-June, (1978).

18. Holman, Ralph T., :Function and Metabolism of Essential Fatty
Acids,” Nutrition in Transition, proceedings of Western Hemisphere
Nutrition Congress V, p. 77, A.M.A., (1978).

19. Keys, A., “Diet and Development of Coronary Disease,” J Chron Dis.
4:364, (1956).

20. Leakey, M.D., Olduvai Gorge, Vol. 3 Oxford, Cambridge University
Press, (1971).

21. Lee, R.B. and DeVore, I., “Problems in The Study of Hunters and
Gatherers,” in Lee and DeVore, Eds., Man The Hunter, pp. 3-20, Aldine,
(1968).

22. Lyon, J.L., M.R. Klauber, J.W. Gardner, and C.R. Smart. N Eng J
Med. 294:129, (1976).

23. Lyon, Nancy, “Cholesterol . . . Is Just One Heart Threat,” Science
Digest, 81:28-31, 1977.

24. Mann, GV, OA Roels, DL Price, and JM Merrill, “Cardiovascular
Disease in African Pygmies,” J Chron Dis, 15:341, 1962.

25. Mann, GV, EM Scott, LM Hursch, CA Heller, JB Youmans, CF
Consolazio, EB Bridgforth, AL Russell and M Silverman. “The Health and
Nutritional Status of Alaskan Eskimos,” Amer J Clin Nutr., 11:31,
1962.

26. Mann, GV, “Diet and Disease Among the Milk and Meat Eating Masai
Warrior of Tanganykia,” Food and Nutrition, 34:104, 1963.

27. Mann, GV. N Engl J Med. 297:644, 1977.

28. Martin, Paul S., “Pleistocene Overkill,” Natural History,
76:32-38, 1967.

29. Martin, Paul, “Eskimos, Shocking Example to Us All, Primitive
Diets vs Junk Food,” Let’s Live, pp. 25-28, June, 1977.

30. Morris, Desmond, The Naked Ape, New York, MCGraw Hill, p. 9,
1967.

31. Nichols, AB, C Ravenscroft, DE Lamphiear, and LD Ostrander, Am J
Clin Nutr, 29:1384, 1976.

32. Nichols, AB, C Ravenscroft, DE Lamphiear, and LD Ostrander,
“Independence of Serum Lipid Level and Dietary Habits, The Tecumseh
Study,” JAMA, 236:1948-1953, 1976.

33. Passwater, Richard a., Cancer and Its Nutritional Therapies, New
Canaan, Conn, Keats, pp. 2-114, 1978.

34. Pelto, Gretel H. And Pertti Pelto, The Cultural Dimension of the
Human Adventure, New York, Macmillan, pp. 292-301, 1979.

35. Perry, Richard, Life in Forest and Jungle, New York, Taplinger
Publishing Co., pp. 165-85, 1976.

36. Prideaux, Tom. Cro-Magnon Man, New York, Time-Life Books, 1973.

37. Reddy, et al., Cancer Research, 35:3421, 1975.

38. Reiser, Raymond, “The Three Weak Links in the Diet-Heart Disease
Connection,” Nutrition Today, 14:22-28, 1979.

39. Reiser, R. Am J Clin Nutr, 26:524, 1973.

40. Reiser, R. Am J Clin Nutr, 31:865, 1978.

41. Rivers, John, Nature Mag., 270-2, 1977.

42. Schaeffeor, Otto, “When the Eskimo Comes to Town,” Nutr Today,
6:8-16, 1971.

43. Schaller, George B and Gordon Lowther, “The Relevance of Carnivore
Behavior to the Study of Early Hominids,” Southwest J Anthro,
25:307-41, 1969.

44. Search For the Great Apes, a documentary film on the ethological
research on gorillas by Dian Fossey and the ethological research of
orangutans by Birute Galdikas-Brindamour, National Geographic, 1975.

45. Shaper, AG, M Jones and J Kyobe, “Plasma Lipids in an African
Tribe Living on a Diet of Milk and Meat,” Lancet, 2:1324, 1961.

46. Shaper, AB, “Cardiovascular Studies in the Samburu Tribe of
Northern Kenya,” Am Heart J, 63:437, 1962.

47. Stefansson, Vilhjamur, “Food of the Ancient and Modern Stone Age
Man,” J Amer Diet Assoc, 13:2, 1937.

48. Stefansson, Vilhjamur, The Fat of the Land, New York, Macmillan,
1957.

49. Stefansson, Vilhjamur, Cancer: Disease of Civilization? New York,
Hill and Wang, 1960.

50. Treistman, Judith. The Prehistory of China, Garden City, New York,
The Natural History Press, p. 15, 1972.

51. Truswell, SA, Am J Clin Nutr. 31:977, 1978.

52. Van Lawick-Goodall, Jane, In the Shadow of Man, New York, Houghton
Mifflin, p. 297, 1971.

53. Weidman, WH, LR Elveback, RA Nelson, et al., “Nutrient Intake and
Serum Cholesterol Levels in Normal Children 6 to 16 Years of Age,”
Pediatrics, 61:354-359, 1978.

54. White, Edmund, Dale Brown and the Editors of Time-Life Books, The
First Men, Waltham, Mass, Litle, Brown & Co., pp. 68-94, 1973.

55. Yudkin, John, “Sugar Consumption and Myocardial Infarction,”
Lancet, 1:296-297, 1971.

56. Yudkin, John, “Sucrose and Heart Disease,” Lancet 14:16-20, 1969.

57. Yudkin, John, “Sugar Intake and Myocardial Infarction,” Am J Clin
Nutr. 20:503, 1967.

58. Yudkin, John, “Dietary Fat and Dietary Sugar in Relation to
Ischemic Heart Disease and Diabetes,” Lancet, 2:4, 1964.

 

 

EAT YOUR FAT

Random Bathing suit season! Thursday, Mar 24 2011 

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Cast Your Vote, Enter to Win!! Tuesday, Mar 8 2011 

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START VOTING GUYS!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE WHO VOTES WILL BE ENTERED IN A MIN-CONTEST I AM RUNNING. GOOD PRIZES SO DON’T WORRY 🙂

 

JUST LET ME KNOW YOU VOTED BY

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*ANOTHER WAY YOU SHOW ME YOU VOTED AND GOT THE WORD OUT!!

 

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT AND HAPPY FAT TUESDAY!!

 

LASSEIZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MARDIS GRAS SEASON KICKS OFF TODAY!

GIVING UP ANYTHING FOR LENT??

Life Eats Life Thursday, Feb 24 2011 

When I advocate for a person suffering from an eating disorder to ACCEPT recovery what I mean to imply is this:

To commit. This means
to remove your head as the barrier
to your life

Life feeds on life. I read that somewhere so let us reflect on it. If there is a reason for our existence, which I believe there is and if there is no afterlife, then absolutely nothing matters – nothing! Eat meat, don’t eat meat. I surely don’t care, but WHATEVER you chose to do, just realize that it really does not matter. You can take that as a depressing thought or you can take it as the most empowering concept in life you will ever acquire- do whatever you please. Because as far as my life, your existence is concerned; at the moment we die, there will be nothing but void for each of us. Eternal unconscious nothingness (if I can make that a word).

Everyone’s life happens in the “blink-of-an-eye” . Our existence on earth is so incredibly fast, rapid and irrelevant in the infinite existence of whatever is beyond space, the stars/galaxy/universe. There is zero relevance. I take this as empowering. So if this life is all I get I sure as hell and going to MILK IT FOR ALL IT’S WORTH, and so should you.

Life eats life. Another piece of information I have read before. But guess what, this changes the fact that life feeds on life because there is no way of surviving on earth and in this world without eating other life forms. A very compelling and truthful observation.

If you understand, you HAVE to agree and accept this fact and being conscious of the suffering that we must inflict on others in order to live. Again, take that as a depressing observation or take it and become empowered. Such a statement should lead you to pursue decisions, which will enlighten yourself and others, which in turn will cause less suffering. Doing this causes you less stress and puts you in a great position in life- in both mind and body. It doesn’t matter what the hell your ‘opinion’ is, this is fact. You don’t need to make decisions to feel better, you make decisions(or you should) because you understand life eats life, and life feeds life. Truth.

You can aim to discover, find and understand everything. You can read every medical book, spend pointless hours learning every diet and exercise program out there, count every miniscule POINTLESS calorie or gram of sugar (or OMG FRUCTOSE…joke). You’ll be on the edge of your seat encompassed by nothingness while swearing you’re one-step away from finding ‘the truth.’

Everyone lives this pursuit in the life trying to find the truth, reading others experiences, ideas, opinions and juicing them for what they’re worth. This is what I conjectured after reading one of Berkhan’s post which reflects on getting a life. I realized I was stuck in this desire to find the perfect answer to recovery, to eating, to functioning my body and mind.  I really thought I would get it eventually, I would know exactly how to cure eating disorders and be able to advocate a 10-step plan for recovery. It was seriously all right in front of my face. Some of the most obvious realizations in life are always staring at you, right under your nose.

I figured when I started this blog, that I had the will power, ability, and control to discover and answer some of the most profound questions on eating disorders and save the world. It became apparent, that as soon as I felt like I had a grasp on it all; it was right there within my reach…it slipped away and was gone. I realized it is not a question I can answer or a destination I can prescribe.

I got slightly pissed off, yes. I reflected on it. I vented and raged about it. I analyzed it. I was furious. I was bombarded with even more questions every time I tried to figure it out. When you do this, this questioning of yourself and life or decisions, it becomes an endless cycle of nothing. Your left with even more questions, more stress and incredible anxiety.  I read; I thought. I found some people who vaguely understand what I am getting at. I found some understanding that many people feel like this. But still, I swore someone else somewhere had my answer and truth. Something I found via all this reading would ensure I would find the ‘cure.’ But that is not possible. Crazy, because the rant which pursued in my mind could have sworn I was going to read the truth and it would ‘click.’

When you read a vegan site, it is enthusiastic and empowering. When you read a carnivorous site you swear you’ll be ‘smarter’ by solely living on meat. When you skim through raw foodism, you swear throwing green stuff and nuts in a blender will make life perfect. Most advocates like this DO admittingly have a miniscule idea of how to find their own inner peace. But THEIR truth is not my truth, nor is it your truth. Basically, this is the reason I hate recovery blogs and food blogs by the way. These people who have figured things out for themselves will always appear keen on convincing you of their ways and that their answer just has to be your answer too.

The dietary arguments are an obnoxious and ridiculous as the religious arguments. It’s like the Afghanistan war on terrorism vs. the retarded-too-much-time-on-our-hands-society of dietary critics we live around. Ask a few people about how to seek the truth in life and listen. Some will undoubtedly follow God (and try and convert you) and some will tell you, you need to devote X hours a week to poor people or assisting others. Everyone has their own idea, their own settled inner peace because they understand what will work for them. You find people in life with a ‘I just don’t give a fuck attitude.’ These people are the ones who bake a cake and eat it too. They go to the bar and will do that double round of tequila, because who the fuck cares if their clothes end up on the floor 2 hours from now. Life is about RIGHT now for them, let’s do it, taste it, travel it and have fun. Others are more calm and collected, and even overly collected in my opinion. These people are ungodly religious (no pun haaa) Their life is hell-bent on living for someone else, namely their God, sitting in the pew at church confessing every Goddamn sin in hopes of someone or something else accepting them. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in God, but I believe in  God as a moral landmark in the confidence that there is something beyond life that is unanswerable and worth living for. There is something about religion that makes people feel the need to convince everyone whom crosses their path to be converted or saved, as if this pursuance will leave peace with them. Really, I find this to be a personal problem and lack in an individual to understand the eternal struggle.

When you are stuck in ED denial truth exists only as beliefs. This is true of everything in life; it is true as long as you accept it is true. When you believe it, then it is true for you. But that does not mean you do your homework and understand your down falls and change your mind. THAT is allowed. You can change your thinking whenever you want. You can change your opinion; no one is holding you back. You can spend the rest of your life reading about other people’s recoveries searching for the truth because somewhere down in you is this aching desire to understand. You swear till the day you die there is answer…but stop, and think. What the hell are you looking for? What answer are you going to continue to struggle to find? There isn’t one. The only answer possible of finding has nothing to do with health, nutrition or weight, let alone food. It only has to do with YOU. This is so frustrating to people because they are so desperately seeking the answers to their problems. But, the problem IS you. There isn’t anything you need to hear or find out or even understand. Just know that the truth can only be understood and accomplished when you learn what works for you in life. The only belief you need to stand by is the BELIEF IN YOURSELF.

I hope this post has provided you somewhat with questions for yourself. I can’t riddle you the answer to recovery because I don’t have it, nor am I actively seeking it anymore because there is not an answer. There is no magical Buddha quote that will make me realize what exactly recovery is. Such actions only create riddles. If Buddha helps you understand you need to find the truth WITHIN yourself, then read away. A lot of his stuff makes sense or at least gets you thinking down the right track. I can at most provide the blog world with encouragement, determination and proof of change and skills. You are given the opportunity to make a purpose and meaning in your life. I do hope once it clicks for you, you will know where to look, you will know what you need to do and how to do it. When it clicks, life is totally up to you. There is no answer seeking because everything…eeeeeverything about life and you is constantly changing and evolving. There are no rules to recovery and no advice I have no already provided that will help you.

Did you ever think it is not just eating disordered sufferers who have inner voices? EVERYONE has an inner voice unless there is a stick so far up your ass that you assume it means you’re crazy. But every average Joe has an inner self and voice. Whether you believe it or acknowledge it remains up to you. The truth is full of emotions, intuition, and desire for knowledge and answers. When you feel extremely shitty in recovery, bloated, fat, full whatever, that’s your inner voice. To be yourself you need to find a way to deviate from this over walked path.

You need to be untraditional. Look at the big time successful people in life, they in no way took a traditional route to get there. When you understand you are blindly following a path of recovery laid out by someone else, or you are trying to mock the recovery or another…you’ve failed. You need to listen to your inner voice because it will always speak the truth and when you learn to listen, the answers will be provided. It won’t be what you want, it won’t be perfect, it won’t be set in stone, but you will find YOUR TRUTH.

Next Post…getting into meditation and answering the ever common ‘Who are you?’

Not Much Wednesday, Feb 16 2011 

But a video, no time for anything but a quick video. Process of moving, working, living 🙂 I do have a post in the works on meditation.

 

 

 

Recovery Full of Lean Gains Friday, Jan 21 2011 

LEAN_GAINS…. this is the dream of every eating disordered individual on the face of the earth. If you would like to sit back and think that there was no distinguishing your body image, weight and appearance in your eating disorder then be my guest, but realize I do not believe you. Everyone wants to feel good in their skin. Everyone wants to look good in their body. Everyone wants a carefree attitude toward themselves, their food, and how it interacts and relates in their every day lives.

When I was suffering the malnutrition and horrendous side effects of being stuck in a disease, everything about my body image and food intake, or lack thereof, was incredibly distorted but so REAL to me at the time. If you have been reading my blog you understand the first step in the right direction in recovery from an eating disorder is acceptance, not per say of yourself, because it is not possible with a distorted mind. But acceptance in recovering and finding yourself. This means you need to force your mind to separate from your body. See yourself as a being one entity, all of it’s own without your eating disorder. Put a cup in front of you and make that your disorder. It is NO longer in your mind. Until you can force yourself to see this difference, you will always live WITH an eating disorder rather than recover from one. Until you understand and accept it is all in your head, your life will be run by food- plain and simple. All food blogger’s lives are run by food. I do not think that is healthy. Hosting a recipe site is one thing, but if you need accountability for yourself via the web that is just weird. You lack of trust in yourself and you lack the maturity to force discipline in yourself.

What you do is up to you. How you recover is up to you. I have always held true to the fact that my recovery goes against conventional wisdom. You will never find a nutritionist or dietician who will say ‘my way’ is the right way. I can guarantee you their way isnt the right way simply because the right way is the way your PERSONALLY find and experience. You cant mirror someone else’s recovery or food because you are not them. All I can do is reflect with my blog what has worked for me and continues to amaze me everyday. And that is where LeanGains comes in…

Martin Berkhan hosts a website devoted to strength training and a dietary protocol which instills a no-strings-0r-emotional attachment guideline to food, eating, and lifting weights. I found Martin’s site well over a year ago and was immediately drop-of-the-jaw amazed by his research, self experimentation to find what works, as well as similarities between his dieting journey and my own. While looking at the website on first glance one would assume Martin is a genetic freak of nature, he was once a chubby kid just like I was. I was a fat, big-ol chubby child and teen. However I never really got overweight because I was strong, and active with cheerleading, dance and field hockey in high school.

However, college led me to drinking and eating all hours of the day which lead to some good fat gain. From there, I dieted down and turned on this genetic switch i have since been tryig to switch back off. I became this distorted beast of doubt, hate, willpower, and starvation. But most of all I suffered to most selfish mental hate you can imagine. I got so incredibly stick thin, gazing food, thinking about food, tallying food, drooling over recipes and food I would never touch, and doing just enough to stay alive(save for the 4 times I can actually remember almost dying). I hit rock bottom and tried conventional wisdom, conventional treatment and did any and everything the ‘industry’ wanted out of me. I slowly painfully and undevotingly put on enough weight to still be ‘anorexic’ but no longer deadly. you can coin this, no pun intended to my ability to fool the scale chugging water and putting rolls of quarters in my bra before ‘weigh-in.’ I hadnt accepted recovery because I didnt not trust or believe in ‘the industry.’ I needed to find what made sense to ME and only I could decide and find that.

Thing is nothing had changed following what doctors said. I was more food focused than ever, more tightly side tracked in counting, summarizing, tallying, everything like a second nature beat in my everyday obsessive life. All repetitive mind controlling like ackward ecstasy almost. I hated it and I hate going back there and remembering it. I hated my life. I hated myself. I hated that I couldn’t figure out what the fuck was wrong with me, why I WAS a freak and why I was so fat, but not ever really big at all. Why did I CARE about my food, why did I HAVE TO workout, why did I have to be that freak oddball whom everyone and their brother’s sister’s aunt’s cousin was nervous around; always tiptoeing around the right words.

Then I found LeanGains. Martin prescribes a basic guideline, easy, no thinking involved way of eating. JUST EAT 8 hours a day and GET ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE the other 16. Get it? Easy. This is how I based my recovery and weight gain over the past almost 2 years. At first I was a ‘zero carber’ but obviously when I started blogging was when I also gained some common sense as well- JUST EAT REAL FOOD, even easier. So, two things have come out of me in the past year :

*JUST FUCKING EAT 8 HOURS A DAY, enough to gain weight if you need to…it does not matter what your ‘macros are’ your ‘grams’ are etc etc. nothing to think about. Just devote 8 hours of your day for eating. From here, you work with yourself, finding what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. don’t eat shit you don’t like, don’t plan meals because you think you need X Y and Z, JUST EAT. If you cant cut it then DONT DO IT but I am informing you what works for me.

* I eat real food, simple. If it breathes in nature I prolly want it dead and on my plate., preferably rare and bloody. And yes, supposedly ‘plants’ and vegetables breathe too. And hands down dairy is food to me, I love it.

Has it worked? Haaa, only the best idea I have ever in my life followed through with. With 16 hours of a day left ‘free’ your mind has NO CHOICE but to find something else to do. You find new interests, hobbies, more time for family and friends, more energy devoted to your job, your affairs. Everything is less stressful, more calming and relaxed.

It also helped my digestion. Every eating disordered individual has some pooper problems, EVERY ONE. Whether you restrict or binge or barf you have gut malfunctions. Intermittent fasting allows your body a break, and time to assimilate and put to use all the good food you feed it when you do eat.

I was taught forced with this acceptance of recovery and trusting Martin’s guidelines as well as the nature of intermittent fasting, to eat big. Eat a big ass meal, lots of food. And I was still alive to tell the tale. My food digests relatively well prolly 90% better than it has in the past, and I am SATISFIED AT EVERY MEAL. Not a day goes by that I do not truly enjoy my meals, my food and the satisfaction of nourishing myself as it is meant to be. Now, this doesn’t mean my mind is disordered free, with my passion of the human body I often get caught up in 10 different studies at the same time and attempt to reflect them on myself, but it is no longer an eating disorder, no longer a petty hate I have toward myself. I just have this ever running mind that aims to discover the human mind, not so much into the human body and physique especially in reflection of myself.

LeanGains forced me to grow up and mature. I had no choice. I HAD to eat big, I HAD to nourish myself because I accepted recovery and getting healthy. Why did I? Because I accepted it.

Then, in the past couple months, I read Body By Science (recommend everyone read this book) and was further schooled on the human body and its adaption to strength. I became very interested in strengthening my body and found that lifting heavy shit a couple times a week left me feeling AMAZING, and even more relaxed and calm than I could imagine. I need to eat big because I want to strengthen my body, I have a goal.You cannot get stronger without eating well, eating a lot, and trusting what you are doing.  I want strength. When you have an eating disorder, you’re weak, not just physically but mentally. Lifting has allowed me to gain confidence, as I continue to do because I am amazed at what my body can do, handle and take. This confidence reflects now in my blogging, my ability to discover joy in life, find shit funny, sit back, kick back and just not care about shit sometimes. It allowed me to feel the NEED to eat and get stronger. And I have, results have shown that this works. I have gained lean body weight, in a healthy manner, and continue to get healthier each and everyday.

I literally look forward to relinquishing my beast lifting weights twice a week and TRUSTING this is all I need to do. Again, the amount of mental time I save is freaking awesome. Unlike many people who wake up cardio, walk, stretch, breakfast, followed by incremental meals every 2 hours, lifting, blah bLAH BLAH. Just live your life. Eat for 8 hours. Eat big. Eat till you satisfied, even a bit stuffed. THEN GET ON WITH THE SHOW. This my friends, works J I may still well be full of ‘beginners gains’ in my strength, but fuck I will take it, I am happy and I am strong.

So, since I know you are anxious to read up here are some I recommend:

http://www.leangains.com/ Martin’s site, obviously

http://www.leangains.com/2009/11/fasting-and-metabolism.html

http://www.leangains.com/2010/10/top-ten-fasting-myths-debunked.html Myths about Fasting

http://www.leangains.com/2010/08/high-reps-vs-low-reps-for-muscle-gain.html Strength Training

http://www.leangains.com/2009/08/questions-answers.html

http://www.leangains.com/2009/07/questions-answers.html

Well, there’s a shit load to read at the site, so if your interested please put aside time to read it!!!!!!!!!

I could quite possibly kick the shit out of you, both in lifting weights(accounting for bodyweight) and eating haha. Have a good weekend !!

PS- You can be the judge, here is me today, post lifting(if anyone knows how to get the video to turn right side up, please let me know!!!) :

Never Forget:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-NK1zlvffY