I wanted to add for those readers who have suffered bulimia and binging/purging history this guy who has cured his with Leangains style eating may help you. I am intrigued at his accomplishment and his ability to stay controlled in a sensible and care-free way. I am sure he would be able to assist those who have suffered bulimia. It is worth the read


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This is gonna be a rannnndom blog post, all over the place prolly. I need to vent and rant about because, in light of the holiday season, I am a LITTLE pissed off. So… here go a few things that piss off Mal:

1. People seem to think there is a cure-all substance, be it a vitamin, like the touted omega 3 or vitamin D, or a secret weight loss amino acid. This, beyond all conceivable understanding is suuuuch utter bullshit I can’t even begin to understand how people by into all the hype over nothing. PILLS…THERE IS NO magic pill or substance that will magically make people happy and thin. Thin first of all is bleh, lean is admirable. first of all, if you Google ANY vitamin you will be convinced of how absolutely necessary it is and how optimal your body will be with efficient amounts of vitamin “z.” well no shit beavus, vitamins are vitamins for a reason and deficiencies of them lead to a host of problems. But do you need 293456012345613845 IU’s of vitamin D everyday….or 10grams of omega 3’s!!?? Nobody, NOBODY knows the effects of this mass supplementing that goes on in the long run. What is vitamin D ultimately causes obesity or corleatic cancer…then you’re screwed. What is trying to balance out your omega 3:6 ratio by taking 6 grams of omega 3 because you got 6 grams of omega 6 leads to a fucking heart attack and aertial plaque?!?! Nobody knows, but an excess OF ANYTHING IS NOT A GOOD THING. Drives me wild to see people hound on supplements when a good diet will provide you with everything you need. EAT SOME FUCKING LIVER and a can of sardines….you’ll be fine. GET ON WITH LIFE.

2. I hate guys. I am sick of getting screwed over. Last guy I mentioned on the blog… yeah, he turned out to be a shithead. Well, last week while I was doing errands for my boss, a guy gave me his number and told me to call him so we could hang out. Okay, cool. I gave it the ‘week wait’ and then we hung out a couple times and texted on the phone at night la-de-fucking-da. It was great…then he told me he had a girlfriend. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING GIVING YOUR NUMBER OUT AND HANGING OUT WITH A CHICK WHEN YOU HAVE A MOTHER FLIPPING GIRLFRIEND!!?!?!>?! What do you call that, nice? I call you a douche bag. Few, VERY VERY few things cause the coonass in me to come out. Like, you gotta get me really worked up and lividly pissed off before you will see me blow up publicly or vocally. Well, this did it. It could be coupled with the fact that I am sick to my stomach of smelling sugar and chocolate in the break room at work. It is like entering the coffin of diabetes, I swear you’ll get a diabetic coma just by walking in there. It is sick. And this boy is screwed up. Thanks, but ill keep my pride and you can keep your not-so-bright girlfriend. I hope she screws you over.

3. Why do people make such strong assumptions about other people? This is particularly annoying when you do not know someone. Take for example, an individual who is naturally skinny. There are just those skinny fucks in society. People who eat shitloads and they have no muscle mass and they’re boney and skinny. Nothing is less attractive to me than a male being a skinny dude. Sweet as he may be, I think that shows a lack of masculinity, and reminds me of a pussy-wussy boy who kicks around a soccer ball instead of putting on pads and playing a real sport like football. I know, I just assumed skinny dudes are pussies, but whatever. The point of this rant is to voice my annoyance when people judge about eating disorders based on appearance. Nothing is further from reality here except maybe what your ED head may be telling you. There are fat anorexics and there are skinny bulimics. There are binge eaters who never become overweight. THEY ALL STILL SUFFER NONE THE LESS. I have no personal problem passing by some chick at Wal-Mart who smokes crack everyday and has purple bags under her eyes and judging(bad I know) by her wrinkly skin is about 40 years older looking than she is. However, it seems other people (with active eating disorders) will walk by a skinny chick and flipping starve for a day. Take a moment… then tell me what the fuck that proves. WHY DO YOU FREAKING CARE!?!?!?! Its selfish…it’s self centered. Separate yourself from your disordered mind, and again, get on with life.

4. I eat reallly really randomly sometimes. I don’t know why this pisses me off because at the time it seemed to make sense but I usually try and eyeball something to the extent of ‘make sure you eat meat and veggies, add fat’. all problems are solved with this logic, but then there’s days when this happens…eat 3 huge-mungo sweet potatoes with obnoxious coconut butter on top, a whole rutabaga, a can of tomatoes with clams and shrimp, a whole tub of yogurt with carob and fruit, chicken (probly half a chicken) with homemade honey mustard, unidentified raw veggies with lots dip… hahahah I guess I was hungry for some carbs that day. But I get pissed off because I go through like a flippin case of water from 7pm-7am the next morning. Like obnoxiously thirsty coupled with obnoxious peeing. Whatever, lol. Its funny now and I wasn’t even thinking at the time which is a good thing it just usually doesn’t happen like that. When I get hungry I usually want fat…nom nom buttery eggs and cheeseburgers… this time I wanted sweet potatoes and copious yogurt/chocolate/fruit…lots of it haha.

5. Branching off rant number one, no diet or way of eating is ever going to work the same for person A as it is for person B. you know why, they are not the same person. They don’t have the same hormones, the same skin complex, the same brain wiring, the same personality, the same bone structure the same ANYTHING EVEN IF YOU’RE AN IDENTICAL TWIN. If some people eat low carb and tout to all hell about its greatness it is because IT WORKS FOR THEM. If someone proclaims you will never be happy until you eat 6 times a day it is because it works for them. If anonymous blogger thinks that the secret amino acid to life enhancement and weight loss if L-tryptophan it is because it worked for him. You will never know what works for you until you allow yourself to find out. Following other peoples path doesn’t work. accepting recovery means discovering what the hell it is you like to eat, when you like to eat, how much it takes to fill you up, what you crave, everything. IT WONT BE THE SAME FOR YOU AS IT IS FOR ME. And when you find out what works for you, I hope your scream about it from the bottom of your stomach because YOU FOUND HAPPINESS AND HEALTH. That is all anyone really wants. people go around trying to figure out how to control others and mock people their whole lives because it makes them feel powerful when really the most power you will ever have is learning to control yourself and your own mind(in a healthy way).

On a good note… I find humor in a lot now. Like rereading this post..haha first of all it doesn’t matter one fuckload what I eat day to day…I will eventually meet a guy and it will work out and in the mean time I am happy that I don’t get stuck with a sucker guy like the one who screwed me over. Third, ill stay happy and healthy living as supplement free as humanly possible and not depicting every minute nutrient that enters my body. If health was about singling out nutrients then we’d all be ever lasting and it weight gain was all about carbohydrates we’d all be skinny.

I think, no I KNOW in the grand scheme of things, the health problems our country faces will boil down to some misfiring complexity that has NOTHING to do in the least bit with a calories, an excess of calories, a fat gram or its excess, a carbohydrate or its excess or protein and its excess. NOTHING AT ALL. If it was that simple we’d all be flipping fatasses or we’d all be THOUGHT free maintenance natural weighted people. If carbs caused fat gain then my well over 400 carbohydrate day the other day would have put weight on me because my insulin levels probably skyrocketed that day. But guess what…here I am, same weight. If fat caused heart disease, or obesity, or high cholesterol then you can GUARANTEE I WOULD ALREADY BE DEAD. So no, the hopers can keep hoping they know everything and people like me, will get on with life and eat real food. Don’t worry about all the bullshit, life is not worth that.

Last, I did my Christmas shopping yesterday. I had never been inside a Bed Bath and Beyond… I walked in the store at 2pm…and walked out at 530pm. haha I seriously convinced myself I needed and could put to use every freaking cool utensil and gadget in the store. love it. walked out with a popcorn popper for my dad, and a julienne/mandolin for my mama. nothing for me, but I know where to ask for a gift certificate to now!

oh and ps, accept recovery, eat real food…. cuz its pretty damn sweet to eat craploads when you’re hungry and feel satisfied, and its pretty fucking cool to not tool out over everything and starve yourself over it. it’s amazing to laugh and joke and talk all day long, to hum and sing Christmas songs(even though I suck at singing as I have been told recently lol). its mind boggling to not think about food, to just eat. you cant have this if you don’t just allow yourself the freedom to let go, separate your disorder from yourself, accept recovery, and fucking eat real food. there’s no science to it, at all. just eat, drink and be merry!