Anxieties, stress, fear. All parts of recovery. All real feeling of recovery. All ACCEPTED terms of recovery. There is no reason you can not heal yourself beginning with acceptance. It saves you time and suffering. Why do you go through all this trouble, all the questioning, all the obsessive reassurance? No one can tell you how your recovery will look or feel, you accept the feelings of recovery when you accept letting go, and getting well. The reason so many people question and never accept is because they fear of making that mental shift. That mental shift, that acceptance takes you to a new level, an unknown level and when you experience this acceptance, your empty…lost. Many continue in their suffering ‘searching’ for the answer to all their questions when really the answer is already with you. Accept yourself and recovery.
No one person’s recovery can be mocked or imitated. This is a very strong point. My recovery won’t, can’t be, and never will be your recovery. I am not you. You are not me. What comes with your recovery is the byproduct of how much effort you put into accepting yourself, and taking changes as they come. This means not controlling them.
You are unique because you were born with skills that shape you. This is why everyone is different. Every person experiences a different set of events in life. How they deal with them shapes them. Using your own uniqueness and experiences from your upbringing, childhood and adolescents will allow you to do certain things better than any other person alive. It is unique to YOU. This means you cannot hold onto useless thoughts and believe everything you read. Many actions that you think served you in the past need to be erased, released and the path needs to be laid, accepting what the future holds. Your eating disorder is like an old friend that is very hard to part from, but you need to let go. It is simply comfortable to stay with the old and avoid changes. This is not recovery. When you accept recovery, you will accept the goodbye of your eating disorder.
If you fail to do this, you fail yourself and you fail your potential. There is no progress in the mind of a ‘functioning anorexic or binge eater. ’ it just leads to suffering and no progress you don’t allow your mind to reach out and accept help. Whether the help comes from the REAL you or an outpatient program, until you let it happen, you will remain suffering. Although you tried many new things, they were not fully accepted. If they had been, you would not need to read a recovery blog and be searching for hope, and help.
Acceptance starts with absolutely 100% giving up to your eating disorder because you refuse to fight it anymore. It will hold no power or grounds in your life. You won’t keep making the same mistake twice, repeating the same habits day in and day out. You will reach a point and see that you cannot take your eating disorder any further in life; there is NO place for it. You’re lost and hopeless but the shift that needs to take place is RIGHT HERE in front of you. Accept you’re changing. Accept you will change as you progress through life, and accept what those changes may be. You can’t stay stuck in life the ever moving moment. Life keeps moving regardless of how long it takes you to live in an unreal reality. No one is pausing the earth’s movement because you won’t accept recovery. Life will keep moving, the years will keep passing and until you accept recovery your life will keep passing you by.
Accept. Let the walls falls. Let go of fake beliefs, thoughts and patterns. You need to realize that you have NOTHING TO LOSE. Not one thing. Let it all go.
Every single aspect of life and living literally begins with a thought. Something is created with every thought a person has. Filling a void of feelings with bad thoughts as so many eating disordered individuals are guilty of creates nothing but chaos. Each of your thoughts should create actions that will slowly lead you to seeing the light and understanding you will one day make it to the end of the tunnel.
Accepting needs to be part of every recovery. There is no singling out. You are a unique individual but your eating disorder is not so. You are not different in how you need to tackle recovery. What you keep in your mind and what you are holding back, you are creating. Acceptance creates a balanced and fulfilled life. Acceptance means shifting from where you are now, what you’re doing and understanding that it just doesn’t matter anymore. There is more to life than food and more than controlling a wickedly retarded eating disorder. Focus on what you want- recovery. Focus on doing what will get you where you want to be, and create a healthy mind.
A mind filled with hate creates a body that is hated. Weight gain, weight loss, a healthy body- it ALL is in your head and how you shape your thoughts. Even if you eat the purest healthiest diet known to mankind, take all the right supplements… you are accomplishing nothing if you do not possess a healthy mind.
An accepted mind encompasses a lot: nothing can or will distract you, everything you do is selfishly don’t for your own mental well-being(so get over it), focus is on what you are doing in the moment, how your creating health and happiness, loving what you are doing, finding pride in your accomplishments. Bring all your feelings into recovery.
If you don’t accept recovery you mind is lost. It is all over the place, jumping thoughts, preparing for something that never comes, setting up for the ‘perfect day’ to change, not focusing on feelings that are shoved away for another day. It is all up to you to change that. Lose focus and you will not be very successful.
People, in my experience with individuals with eating disorders, tend to be so self protective it is an obvious loss of reality. They are demeaning and degrading. They are selfish. Ask a sufferer to describe him/herself and you will hear they are stressed, failed and just unhappy/depressed. What you think you become, never forget that. If you think you have failed, you will. If you think you’ll never recover, you won’t.
Anxiety is the byproduct of stress, an affective response to it. stimulus=response. A normal body SHOULD produce a self flowing, self controlled, self harmonious environment. there are a few people in society today who still have this capability, but if you look around they are very few and far between. for example, you probably know ‘that person’ who seems to eat and just ‘be done’ when they are full. All the workings in his or her body are in harmony. There is no stress or care over food, over conversation, over spur of the moment ideas or plans. There is no wonder on the next meal or preplanning and future tripping, Then there is everyone else, eating disordered or not. certain stimuli arouse our stress system and we respond with anxiety. We can’t just focus on the here and now and we can’t just eat food. our bodies do not work in harmony, more specifically our brains. there is a gap between our brain function and our body function. When we stress, there’s an asorbic acid drop in our adrenals, our cortisol rises, our adrenal medulla increase adrenaline secretion which acts on the pituitary and you have a big mess of negative feedback- or something like that. Over or under production of these hormones will lead to problems. So the adrenal could be a central response area to stress, or it could not. I don’t know, most doctors don’t know, few endocrinologists coherently understand everything.
How adaptive is stress? This is a question that boggles my mind. When we stress, receive a feedback mechanism and ‘expect’ it, how conditioned is that response and anxiety? If you forever convince yourself that recovery means you’ll ultimately become obese and never be able to stop eating, are you making that your preconceived destiny? THAT IS NOT A HEALTHY MIND. That is a mind that has not accepted. The mind is powerful, Buddha once said ‘what you think you become’. It’s a strong statement, and I do believe it plays a role.
Change your thoughts, change your behavior. Stimulus (thought) = response(behavior). Your physiological stress plays a huge role, in my opinion on your physical appearance. The mental is as important, and arguably much more important, than the physical. Anyone can gain weight, anyone can lose weight. Everyone understands how over and under eating occurs. Eat more= gain weight. Eat less=lose weight. there’s this and that people find work for them, but ultimately, food is up to you to decide about. How you eat, chose a way that makes you happy. I advocate paleo obviously because of its historical context, nutrition availability, and general common sense.
Here’s a quick for-tay on the brain, all beginning in the hypothalamus:
- Hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is a small structure that plays a role in controlling our behavior, such as eating, sexual behavior and sleeping, and regulates body temperature, emotions, secretion of hormones, and movement.
- The Pituitary Gland. The pituitary gland develops from an extension of the hypothalamus downwards. It is involved in controlling thyroid functions, the adrenal glands, growth, and sexual maturation.
- Amygdala. This small almond-like structure lies deep in the brain and is associated with regulation and control of major emotional activities, including anxiety, depression, aggression, and affection.
Lets consider for a moment how much expected physiological stress you cause yourself. how often do you assume stress A will cause response B. Take exercise. most who are addicted relate exercise to stress relief because you assume one equates to the other. preconceived thought. how often do you assume raising your calories is going to lead to obesity. Take another example…say you eat en entire pizza and start bouncing off the walls with uncontrollable energy for the next 2 hours. Your brain released chemicals called opiods…pleasure chemicals. Now, say you ate an entire pizza and immediately start self hating, body bashing, and freaking the fuck out on how you will burn it all off, or purge it. this is an endocrine system malfunction. One of the reason I advocate paleo is because your brain and body function will become one when given real food. When you ‘snack’ in recovery on something like a cupcake you release insulin in an out-of-this world fake way. What I mean, you always release insulin when you eat, but it is exasperated to the level of malfunctioning when you body senses ‘fake’ food. Even when you smell good food, you release insulin. But if you don’t eat fake food and ‘keep it real’ you get a release and then it goes away. This means you CAN fight back your thoughts because they will be able to be beaten. If you do eat fake food however, you get another insulin surge and in my opinion this is where SO MANY PEOPLE go wrong in recovery.
Acceptance should be ingrained in your skull by now, and part of that includes the acceptance of a nourishing and healthy recovery. Just because you accept recovery does not mean you are home free. What if, with this acceptance, you assume you’re bound to end up fat. or what if you assume this recovery means you can eat more but need to exercise 7 days a week. Or what if, the all too common ‘I am different from everyone else’ is part of your acceptance. Well, now you’re worse off than before. you have more stress than you ever did just not eating. If a chill pill really existed that was healthy I would tell you about it, but until then, food is medicine and accepting that is stress-relieving, along with giving up exercise and learning what it takes for YOU to de-stress.
I am no rocket scientist, I had a hell of a bad week last week. Really, I was a nut job. I have no idea why. but I did nothing, my own fault, to relieve my stress, and it just built up. finally I grasped my senses and did a helllllll of a long sitting and breathing session in the sun with myself. I felt better and rediscovered the moment. I am not a normal person though. I am not going to feel good everyday, who does? that is just part of life. Take control of it, don’t let it control you.