I often really critically think about quotes I read, and always save the ones that impact me. sometimes I share them in blog posts…but I never inform you guys of how the impact me, how the change me, and how they motivate me. Here are some quotes I really enjoy and what I ‘think’ when I read them.

*In life you never know what hand you will be dealt, but aiming to make the best of the situation is always a great outlook.*

I mean really, why not. What have you got to lose. Family situation coming up? Do these make you nervous? Why. Accept it, enjoy it and be part of life. Optimism is contagious. I sure as hell did not expect my hand to be dealt with the suicide king of anorexia, but I got it. I dealt with it. I stayed positive. I fought, and I kept a good outlook even when I never thought things could get worse. Even when I didn’t think there were clothes I could possibly grow out of…and did. Even when I could feel my bloated belly grumbling for food because t was hungry and I had just eaten. I ate. I got new clothes. I faced my demons.

‘*Doubt Me, Hate Me, you are the inspiration I need’*

Think about this…who expects recovery out of you? Are you recovering for yourself or are you recovering because someone told you you’re a mental nut job and starving yourself to death for control was probably not a good idea? Doubt me and hate me, as some of the eating disorder blogworld does, but I don’t care. You give me the motivation to continue to enjoy the hell out of life, and the ride recovery brings. Don’t believe me if you wish, I don’t care. I like food. I enjoy food. I want to be able and capable of eating it, in large amounts if I please, and pass time never even thinking about food only to find I actually get hungry. It’s amazing. Many doubt the Paleolithic aspect and importance in my recovery, but guess what, it is real and it works. Wheat kills, excess omega 6 kills. Refined food is killing the world, as is every genetically modified food people eat. Was there room in my recovery for unnatural food, no way in hell. Why? Is it disordered to not eat unnatural food? I think not. Food was medicine to me in recovery. It meant bone marrow, bone broth, tallow, sweet potatoes, vegetable, eggs, butter, rib eye, huge roasts, LOTS OF REAL FOOD. I needed it for nutritional restoration, not because I somehow needed to make ‘food fun’. Hello, I had anorexia you couldn’t convince me anything about food would ever be fun. But it changed. Malnourishment turned into nourishment. I stopped doubting myself and started recovering for myself saying fuck you to everyone else.

*Look back on life. Can you really remember all the pain? Can you still feel it the way you did then? Keep looking back. Can you remember the pleasure? Can you still feel the way you did during those moments however short they may be? How does that feel? Which feeling is stronger? Which feels better? Which do you want to feel more? Pain? Or the pleasure of not succumbing to that pain? That’s all on you. Make it happen.*

When I look back, there is a lot I want to remember. I want to recall childhood fighting with my brothers because it grew us together. I want to recall Nintendo game competitions, t-ball in the front yard, my dogs. I want to look back on my high school years and be proud of competing in cheerleading, going to nationals, excelling at a blue ribbon school and being on the honor roll every semester. I want to see college years of drunkenness with the best friends I have. Dancing at bars, yelling and singing at the top of our lungs, crying over nothing because we were drunk. Then I hit ages 21-23 when I was active in anorexia. There is no memory, I don’t remember anything from that time period. I want to look at recovery when I began and gather determination and confidence that I can do and face any challenge life will ever bring me. was there pain, hell yes. It felt horrible. But I couldn’t accept and get past the pain without believing that a power greater than myself would restore me to sanity.

*The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.* -Arthur C. Clarke

Anyone can follow a meal plan. Anyone can eat 3500 calories for ONE day, for ONE week, for ONE month, but can you, can YOU do it until your weight restored, or better yet, can YOU accomplish eating intuitively and continue it?? I can. I did. It wasn’t impossible for me to start eating enough for one day or week to gain. It was hard, I cried, I threw temper tantrums. But I accepted recovery and that meant a PROLONGED amount of time where my mind was battling me with wagers, opinions, and sick little deals that I had to fight off. And I fought until it stopped happening. I fought until life began to occur in the present, and not the past or the future. At first, eating felt impossible, then I went beyond that. I took the inconceivable and I beat it.

*If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it* –Jackson

I have shared before the realization I had with reality and with anorexia. Anorexia is ‘all in my head’. My mind is the only thing that could conceive this fake reality. It was SO REAL to me, everything I felt and thought about, everything I worried about. It was all real. But it was ONLY in my head. My heart never caught onto anorexia and I knew deep down when I spiraled out of control that I wasn’t living any sort of normal life. I knew being 5’8 almost and wearing a double 00 wasn’t normal. When I ‘got it’ I needed to accept anorexia was given a name by some professional. That put it in a fake reality to me, standing it up on a pedestal. Everything I did revolved around anorexia like it was a person. It didn’t work. I had to battle my mind with my heart and truly accept everything up there was a result of malnutrition and I would ‘just know’ when I was myself again. That trust is hard to come by, hence the massive amount of people in and out and in and out and relapse and recovered only to repeat the cycle because they never attain the correct balance and nutrition to ‘just be.’

*Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways. Where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses.* ~ Arlen Price

Again, see above. Much of the same thought process. You can make excuses with yourself till you are blue in the face. You can get frustrated with yourself, and fight recovery every step of the way. Or, you can accept, which makes you willing to move beyond what’s just in your head.

*Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use*~ Earl Nightingale

Whether you recover or not, years are passing by, as is your biological clock. Look at and deal with what you are missing out on. It really is JUST food, and you really are making a bigger deal out of it than is real. Time flies by, life it short. Don’t let the fear of what can become of you get in your way. You need to and should WANT to share your waking moments in laughter with your friends, reminiscing with your siblings and parents and genuinely becoming an admirable person- a joy to be around. Think about WHY you’re here, on earth. There’s a reason. There is a reason your eating disorder hasn’t or isn’t going to kill you. There’s a reason your ‘thinking’ about recovery or you have/have not accepted it. either way, today will become tomorrow and tomorrow will become next week, next year and where will you be….still gaining and losing the same 10 lbs?? it’s your waste of time, not mine. Think about that.

*Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.*

Anorexia=imaginable…it’s ALLL IN YOUR HEAD. IT IS ALL THE RESULT OF MALNUTIRITON. The real difficulty, accepting it. the real difficulty…doing it when it is hard. The real difficulty…accepting weight comments, food comments. The real difficulty, facing your real self in the mirror and in the mind. The real difficulty…dealing with the remorse of so many lost years. The real difficulty…letting go of every attached ritual and string attached to anorexia. It is more than food. Anorexia harks into your every waking moment, from what you do or neglect upon waking until you lay down at night. let go of everything. It is imaginary. Face yourself. Eat. Eat big. Eat nutritious.

*Look me in the eye. It’s ok if you’re scared. So am I. But we’re scared for different reasons. I’m scared of what I won’t become, and you’re scared of what I could become. Look at me. I won’t let myself end where I started. I won’t let myself finish where I began. Look me in the eyes. I have something more important- more courage. I have patience. I will become what I know I am. *

This is simply a strong quote. Read it, I will not end up where I started. I have gained and lost weight for 6 years. SIX FUCKING YEARS. I finally got it and accepted my faults, problems and malnourished mind. I finally took it upon myself to read about malnutrition and accept that damnit, I wont be normal until I feed myself well. And KEEP doing it. and then do it some more. Then it becomes natural. There hunger cues, laughter, recipes!!!!! But I won’t go back. I refuse to let myself become less than what I have become, what I have made of myself and for myself.

‘*Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.*
-Muhammad ali

Ali was a good man, this quote says it all. Can’t be a champ if you don’t eat like a champ.

*Strength is a matter of a made up mind* -John Beecher

To me, this means…either go big or go home. Stop questioning it. Accept it then let the rest of it work itself out. True strength lies in a real recovery. Real progress…are your progressing or are you making REAL progress???? Your heart has more strength than your malnourished mind, act on it.

*Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.*

I don’t know that I ever felt inadequate. When a diet turned into malnutrition nothing could convince me I wasn’t fat. Not the scale, not my jeans, nothing. I wasn’t pretty I was successful and I was at a standstill in life. When the biological ‘click’ to anorexia was made in my head it came with POWER, I mean ungodly unimaginable amounts of power. I was on top of the fucking world of control. Everything…I controlled it all wahhhhhhhh the power. Oh my God it was so fake, and so sick. The ability to recover is IN ALL OF US. Accepting is giving yourself permission to recover and deal with everything it brings.

*Only the weak attempts to accomplish what he knows he can already achieve* – Stella Juarez Author

This is a repeat thought of mine but it bears repeating. ANYONE can eat well for a day or a week. Anyone can put on 5lbs and anyone can lose 5 lbs. can you beat your mental limit though? Your weight and recovery is a battle in your head. You need to literally shove it aside and make room for new thoughts because  you accept recovery. Some things are easy…eating breakfast again…I knew I could make myself wake up and eat(but convince myself it was fine for the day)…what I didn’t think I could achieve until I accepted recovery was waking up, eating breakfast, eating lunch and eating dinner. What I couldn’t wrap my mind around was how in the hell people ate so much food. Then I accept in my heart that there was room, in my mind and in my belly for this change.

*Failure will not overcome me so long as my will to succeed is stronger*- Michael S. Kirby

Failure in recovery occurs in your head…if your strong enough you don’t let it get the best of you because that is what anorexia does. It gets the best of you and everyone sees it. Your will is in your heart.

*If you are hurt, whether in mind or body, don’t nurse your bruises. Get up and light-heartedly, courageously, good temperedly get ready for the next encounter. This is the only way to take life – this is also ‘playing’ the game!* – Emily Post

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Start living up to your potential and making changes. Stop complaining, literally no one wants to fucking hear it.

*Fall down seven times, get up eight* -Chinese proverb

Relapse twice, get up three. This time I get it and never again will I let go.

*There is nothing we cannot live down, rise above, and overcome.* – Ella Wheeler Wilcox

You’ll never live down the reality of having been anorexic. You’ll never even understand yourself at that time in your life. You’ll never understand how to fully respect yourself for the fuckload of work you have to put into recovery. No one else will ever understand HOW FUCKING HARD it is for you. They wont get why your so fucking proud of yourself. They wont understand how ecstatic you are when you meet a goal, when you make a REAL recipe and share it, hell when you can share your food without counting it toward some made up quota. Be proud of yourself FOR yourself and don’t expect other people to get it or understand just how fucking hard it is to KEEP going when you feel down, and when your mind is battling you hanging onto that last nutrient deficiency keeping your eating disorder alive.

*You have to do what others won’t to achieve what others don’t.*

If no one wants to accept that a paleo or primal style of eating for recovery from anorexia is SPOT FUCKING ON with what needs to happen, then so be it. but I am here to promote it, to live it, and to achieve recovery which is not something you commonly come across in the eating disorder blog world.

Reason for pic: check out my hips...rooooouuunnnnd

Reason for pic, IM BEAST...or getting there

Reason for pic: ROUNNNNNDNESSS 🙂

ha...I am fucking strong, get on that level

BOUYAAA FEEL THE PUMP

 

I encourage everyone to read The Primal Blueprint and Robb Wolf’s new book The Paleo Diet: The Original Human Diet.  Nothing will help you more than learning about the results of malnutrition…besides AcCePtAnCe ❤

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