I haven’t had much of anything to say up here lately. I am doing good, living haha go figure. I feel great, eat well, not really having any problems. I am staying off and away from the blog world because it annoys the living bee-geezus out of me. I cannot do the so called food porn thing because I think it is just silly and pointless. I don’t agree with the way 99% of bloggers eat so rather than rant and get pissed about it, I just simply don’t skim blogs. Being at a normal BMI really does pretty much wash out the disease in my head. I understand my thoughts were fake, that the disease is essentially all in my head, and what I feel think and did was all the reaction to something I thought was real. Until I accepted recovery, and what I needed to do. Until I just started eating and accepting that sometimes you bloat. Until I accepted everything in my head is a lie, is all fake, I was not getting better. But guess what? I am doing great because it is a casted shadow in my thoughts now. It IS FAKE. When you are struggling in recovery, struggling with food, struggling with whatever it is….STOP, and tell yourself it is flippin fake because it is. You debating over cheerios and wheaties or adding cheese to a sandwich vs nut butter is FAKE and ridiculous. Its all a mind game. so so skewed.

If I have learned one thing in recovery it is that I do not give a flying fuck what other people think about me. I don’t care what other people think about my recovery. I surely do not care what someone else thinks about the paleo & primal lifestyle of food choices I make. I do not care if I don’t follow some bogus retarded meal plan. I THINK MEAL PLANS ARE STUPID. I have always thought meals plans are ridiculous and just another way to have an eating disorder. When I go to meetings for EDA on Sunday nights EVERYONE IS FRIKIN flipping out about their meal plans. I seriously wanna scream. WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING SOME STUPID MEAL PLAN WHEN YOU ARE STRESSING OUT 92345013845 times more about it?!?!?! who the fuck came up with the idea to eat 6 times a day. HELLO NEWS FLASH there is ABSOLUTELY ZERO, zip, nada benefit to eating every couple hours. You people who seem to believe this are so 1900’s and prolly the same bunch of folks who think that saturated fat is bad for you!!!! I think someone eating 6 times a day is more disordered than it is normal. No one eats 6 times a day. I have never followed a meal plan. I have never eaten 6 times a day unless I was just eating all day which is what  6 meals a day is like. You know what I think causes all this bullshit in ‘meal plans’?!?! let’s see, to begin with you are only going to allow yourself a certain portions of food at a given increment. Whether or not your hungry, if it is ‘meal time’ you’ll eat. Then you are left with making a decision not based on hunger which sparks you ED head and leaves you stressing about a ‘snack’. This is ridiculous. Also, if you have to eat 6 times in a day, you portions are going to be cut back and a lot less nutritious and dense as they otherwise should be. Whyyyyy don’t you try eating when your hungry. At the base of anorexia is a chemical imbalance in the brain. The serotonin uptake is the consequence of food. You get that ‘feel good’ response when you eat a NUTRITIOUS meal in an adequate amount. If you DON’T, then you are left high strung, sort of off, stressed, and like something is missing. It is because every 2 hours when you eat you don’t encompass enough food and nutrition to  get to that ‘I feel good’ stage. However, if you just firkin eat when you’re hungry you’ll make better choices, youll eat bigger portions and adequate amounts, and youll nourish your body for the better.

 THERE IS ONE AMAZING BLOG I found, and seriously, this lady lays it out. I understand and relate to what she says. Base your food on a primal intake. If you understand evolutionary food and understand anorexia, you can understand WHY the mentalness of the disorder is all fake, and is just a chemical imbalance and until you fight and realize this… well… good luck running a recovery blog for a living. Evolutionary Psychiatry – check the blog out. It is absolutely amazing.

 Oh, I went on the float trip after all but I can only find one dumbo pic from it that I am in but I am on the cooler in this pic:

 And my goofy snapshots of last weeks outfits.

And I met Branch Warren, the HUGE bodybuilder on Saturday with my lil brother who made me go with him to this bodybuilding expo 22inch biceps OMG!…true story, the female bodybuilder tried to recruit me haha i was like NOOOOOOOOO thanks

Last but not least, i cornrowed my roomates little sister’s hair