Thank you guys for all the wonderful and amazing comments you left on my letter post. I truly appreciate all of them. every time I re-read what I wrote I cry. I put so much into writing that I was exhausted when I finished. I didn’t give it to my mom ON Mother’s Day(yes I chickened out), but told her in the card I had a letter I wrote her for her… now I need to muster up the guts to hand it over.

 

In other news, I re-injured my damn knee and it is big as a pig’s ass. No joke. Won’t straighten. Driving me wild. Concluded that the lazier you are, the lazier you feel. I am exhausted from nothing, sitting, being sleepless because I cannot get comfortable. I am in a damned wedding NEXT SATURDAY. What the hell am I going to do?! ED-wise I am driving myself mad on bed rest all day. One good thing came out of all this laying. Besides blogging, I watched a movie. You must understand I don’t EVER watch movies. My brother gave me A Beautiful Mind. If y’all ED sufferers have not seen this movie PLEASE see it. It is based on the mind of a schizophrenic; however it does an absolutely stunning job of portraying ‘the other you’ of a mental disease. As you watch it, you learn the guy really saw two different worlds. While I can’t say I have ever seen people who don’t exist, haha thank God, I can admit to having something other than me in my head. As I discovered in my own recovery and as did the man, you cannot CANNOT fear the disease. You will notice as you watch, when he stressed about the disease, his occurrences with the schizophrenic episodes were enhanced. Did he cure it? No, but he stopped fearing it, said NO to it, ignored it, fought day after day until he finally found ground and peace where he could function in his life. Then, his disease was a simple figment of his imagination. Great movie.

 

Also, I am mustering up the courage for a good food post. I have a lot of people ask me about what exactly I eat through the day, so as soon as I get a whole day on camera I will stick it up! I know nothing about calories/portions etc in my food so don’t ask, I won’t know ‘how much’ of everything I eat.

 

Dealing with regret and the shame of an eating disorder a lot lately too. The knee injury triggered it, mostly because I know if I hadn’t f-ed up with anorexia, my body would be stronger, and such retarded run of the mill daily activities would not injure me. I am so ungodly frustrated I cannot even portray the feeling to you. So much guilt built up, regardless of whether I think it is my ‘fault’ or not. I am simply pissed it happened, pissed it still gets to me, pissed I have incredibly bad days, pissed I give into ‘it’ sometimes. It is all so infuriating!

  You ask me about regret? Let me tell you a few things about regret, my darling. There is no end to it. You cannot find the begiThis is a good quote…nning of the chain that brought us from here to there. Should you regret the whole chain, and the air in between, or each link separately, as if you could uncouple them? Do you regret the beginning which ended so badly, or just the ending itself?
-White Oleander

 Found this random food survey… enjoy!

 Favorite snack?

Cold congealed chuck roast

 Favorite vegetarian product?

Ha-ha Kale, red leaf lettuce or mushrooms- I do not touch “products”

 Favorite yogurt?

Goat, strained and thick and full fat

 Favorite fruit?

Avocado, only one I eat

 Favorite dried fruit?

Zip, Zero Nada

 Favorite veggie?

MUSHROOMS, collard greens, garlic

 Favorite comfort food meal?

Scrambled eggs and homemade sausage

Sour cream & onion chicken

 Favorite restaurant?

My own kitchen, I hate eating out

 Favorite beverage?

Coffee

 Favorite coffee drinks to order?

Black w/cream

 Favorite dessert?

Strained goat yogurt or a glass of coconut milk

 Favorite condiment?

Stone ground mustard

 Favorite fast food restaurant?

My own kitchen, I hate eating out

 Do you watch food network?

I hate TV, but I think Paula Dean is funny and the Chef competition with the secret ingredient gives me ideas

 Favorite food network show?

See above..!

 Favorite salad combo?

Red leaf lettuce, oil/vinegar/mustard

 Do you like panera?

What is a panera?

 Do you like cream cheese or peanut butter on your bagel?

I like raw cream cheese without the bagel, slap it on some chicken

 Favorite bar?

Shang’s outdoor dock bar on the coast of Mississippi

 Favorite peanut butter?

Don’t touch it

 Favorite almond butter?

Waste of money

 Favorite nut?

Macadamias raw

 Favorite candy?

100% organic cocoa

 Favorite ethnic food?

Ehh… I dunno never had anything outside the basics italian/mexican

 Favorite tea?

Don’t drink it

 Favorite indulgence?

100% organic cocoa

Rib eye steak

 Do you like margaritas?

Yes I do….

 Do you like pickles?

Hmm…sort of… I need the salt craving to enjoy them

 Are you into spicy food?

Totally, but need to be in the Creole mood

 Do you like banana peppers?

YUM….with sausage

 Favorite way to eat a banana?

Give it to a monkey…

 Favorite way to eat an apple?

Give it to a beaver…

 are you good at eating with chopsticks?

I have never used them before

 favorite tropical fruit?

Avocado!

 Hands down favorite food ever?

Greasy buttery Scrambled eggs or ribeye

 favorite alcoholic beverage?

Bacardi…on the rocks…swig of fresh lime

 I will keep y’all updated after my orthopedic appointment tomorrow morning with HOPEFULLY good news(like suck it up and go)…be sending them good vibes my way please!

Advertisements