Ever read the book Alexander’s Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Day?? haha he had train pajamas and everything about his day went bad. Well, make that my entire last week and it is essentially the story of my life.. but moving on…  

Are You Happy?   

1. Are you outgoing, energetic, flexible and open to change?   

I would say for the most part I am very good at this. So much better than I use to be. Changes use to freak me out, take meout of my comfort zone and for no good reason just make me absolutely anal. I seem to be fine with changes now, whether it be with food, or with this I had ‘planned’ that got adjusted. For example, we had a crawfish boil this weekend for my brother’s graduation. I am not a big fan of crawfish and my mom said she would be doin burgers and dogs too. Well, weather didn’t cooperate and we couldn’t grill so my ‘expected food’ wasn’t there and I was stuck at the party from like 12-8pm. I really didn’t care, and ate the crawfish even though it wasn’t what I ‘wanted.’ Also, I was very charismatic and ‘myself’ for the whole party and wasn’t pushed to drink copious amounts of alcohol. It was a lot of fun!  

2. Do you have a positive outlook, bounce back quickly from setbacks and feel that you are in control of your life?   

I do bounce back quick from crap that happens, however my bounce back is essentially me faking it till I make it. I tend to be fine, but will think and think all night about things that bother me. For example, I spent 2 days last week filing sexual harassment charges at work. A guy stepped way outta lines via email( side note: who does this?!?! Like im not gonna save your nasty provocative emails?!?!) and I had to print everything out, explain the story ten gazillion times. And if you read my previous post about how many times men have stepped outta lines with me, you know that the ED voice flares up like no tomorrow about ‘control, safety, protection’ when men act this way toward me. For some reason when I was a skeleton and walking mute I wasn’t bothered by stalking, harassment, and the sort. Now with some weight, it’s back and I am constantly reminded of the control bubble I am letting go of from anorexia. This past week was a very hard one. I don’t and never will have control over how men approach me in public or step out of line in the workplace with me. This is one of those things I need to accept, but the more it happens the more I want back with ED.  

3. Are your basic life needs met, in relation to personal health, finance, safety, freedom of choice and sense of community?   

Personal Health- I feel healthy, I act healthy, I am not ‘yet’ healthy as I would expect out of myself.   

Finance- for the most part. Due to a few mishaps with the ghetto neighbors my parents want me OUT of my house I moved into because it is not safe. I have black guys trying to knock down my door this weekend when I was home alone. I happened to share it with my parents along with a few other things that have happened. I am taking a gun class and finding a gun I am comfortable with this week so I have some personal protection. Guns don’t scare me and if my life stood between me learning to gun and capabilities of using it, and my life, my ass is using the gun. I have the local police on speed dial now. Anyways, my dad offered me my 6 mths rent if I moved back home, but I cannot move back there- I am an adult etc etc and 24, so I declined but I know they go to bed worrying about me every night.  

Safety – well, see above…  

Freedom of Choice- sometimes I feel like I have to much freedom. I eat what I want, when I want and have it the way I want. If my food world got thrown in a hizzy more often it would prolly be a good thing for me. No one makes me do anything. A little more chaos would be healthy for me.  

Sense of community- between my job, church, my family and the frat guys I hang out with I have a good sense of community. I am missing that sense of ‘belonging’ though.  

4. Can you call on the support of people close to you, immerse yourself in what you are doing, meet your expectations and engage in activities that give you a sense of purpose?   

I can call my parents (about 30 mins away) or my brother (2 mins away) at anytime and they will help me at the drop of a pin. Same with my fraternity guy friends and most all people I work with. People in the south always want to help, do something for you- one of the reasons I love this place so much. I immerse myself everyday in my job (save my ADD when I blog, check facebook etc lol). I need to work on engaging in activities that give me a sense of purpose. It is hard to find time with a fulltime job to do a lot of charity work, and volunteer my time. People always want money for the purpose, not so much help.  


So, in essence I probably had one of the worst weeks of my life last week. Between filing sexual harassment charges, having problems with the guy I am talking to, and so much more it seemed like everything was just shitty last week. Like, whatever happened I almost laughed at because my week was just so crappy! I wasn’t surprised when bad things happened it’s like I almost expected it, which isn’t good I know I am usually optimistic, but the whole deal being treated like some piece of meat by a guy I work with realllllllly threw my mind in a tantrum of ‘ED was so much more secure, safe, and protected.’ I really need to work on getting past wanting to fall back in the bubble when guys act this way.  Saturday was my older brother’s graduation party.  We did it up with like 4 tubs of iced down beer, good music(classic rock haha) and lotsa crawfish! For those of you not schooled in the southern festivities, crawfish are boiled in water in a HUGE pot with garlic, mushrooms, potatoes and corn and A WHOLE LOTTA SPICE. You rip the tail off the crawfish, suck the brain out (VERY spicy part) and eat the lil meat tail. It sorta tastes like shrimp if I had to compare. It’s a big deal, lotsa celebrating etc. I have a few pics I’ll stick up. I spent from 8pm-1am Friday night putting together a scrapbook for my brother recapping his 4 years in Phi Kappa Tau in pictures. It went over HUGE at the party. All the guys were flippin through recalling all the good times, funny times, and I am very happy they liked it, he appreciated it and all the good times were reminisced on! About his graduating, it is official when he walks 2 weekends from now. Essentially, I am so happy for him he is VERY determined and wanted in and out in 4 years. He was already 22 going in due to his time in the special forces, and now at 26 he is done. I am envious. I am jealous. So so so jealous. I would be graduated if I could A- make up my mind, B-stay healthy enough to go more than a semester at a time, C- afford it. so I feel kinda like I am missing out and disappointing my parents and myself not having a degree. Grr, it wares on me.  

SO FOOD WISE! I have been alright, I think I lost a couple pounds last week with the stress and shit-loaded crap that happened, but I talked to my friend last night and am fully optimistic for a good week this week. So HAPPY MONDAY TO YOU! I have been eating a lot of strained full fat goat yogurt, kefir, fresh farm eggs, avocados, along with my usual massive meat consumption and thrown in vegetables. So eating it good- high fat, moderate protein & carbs. It is just incredibly difficult to gain appreciable weight eating real food. Like, you need some 4000-5000 calories a day. Even though calories are essentially pointless in the outlook of health and nutrition-I have never heard of such a stupid way to track food intake- it is close to if not more than that, that I need a day.  

Has anyone been successful with behavior therapy? I found this snip-it:  

 Behavior therapy is not something done to a patient: it is a structured set of techniques the patient learns to employ whenever anxiety, discomfort, or dysfunction arise because of obsessions or rituals. Basically, patients are asked to find and face the things they fear (‘exposure’) and then to refrain from carrying out compulsive rituals (‘rituals or response prevention’), but other techniques may be employed as well  

Also, not to drown hopes in recovery because I do 100% believe in myself and others to get better this article kinda makes me want to push and try even HARDER:  

http://www.annals-general-psychiatry.com/content/6/1/14 Anorexia nervosa (AN) is a severe mental illness. Drug treatments are not effective and there is no established first choice psychological treatment for adults with AN. Neuropsychological studies have shown that patients with AN have difficulties in cognitive flexibility: these laboratory based findings have been used to develop a clinical intervention based on Cognitive Remediation Therapy (CRT) which aims to use cognitive exercises to strengthen thinking skills. Anorexia Nervosa (AN) is a serious mental disorder with a prevalence rate of about 1% and a standardized mortality rate of about 10%. Treatment is problematic and Steinhausen reviewing 119 studies concluded that AN still has a relatively poor prognosis. Chronicity of illness and obsessive personality symptoms are unfavourable prognostic characteristics . The NICE guidelines  have concluded that there is currently no recommended psychological treatment nor is there substantial evidence supporting pharmacological interventions  

And some random, but noteworthy insight about adrenals and cortisol. Cortisol in anorexics is ungodly high as well as having burnt out adrenals… here are some symptoms:  

Cortisol is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands. It’s designed to help the body cope with stress and survive. Unfortunately, this means all the common stressors in our modern lifestyle trigger the release of cortisol. So when we experience constant stressors, we end up with an imbalance that can cause numerous problems, including fat weight gain (particularly fat gain around the midsection).  

Other Signs of High Cortisol Levels  

– Acne
– Anxiety
– Fatigue, poor energy
– Depression
– Easy bruising
– Headaches
– High blood pressure
– Cravings for sugar, alcohol or nicotine
– Decreased libido, impotence
– Insomnia
– Irritability
– Mood swings
– Poor concentration and memory
– Lower back problems
– Thinning hair or hair loss
– Loss of lean body tissue (like bone and muscle mass)  

Also, I am a HUGE advocate of sleeping, resting and de-stressing ones self. However you do it- yoga, breathing, meditation- it is so incredibly crucial to mental well being, especially during and post recovery from an eating disorder. Lack of sleep effects EVERYTHING in the body. From mood, to muscles, to stress, to weight.  

How Sleep Affects Your Weight  

– When you sleep less, your body doesn’t produce as much leptin – the hormone that helps you feel full. Less sleep also means more cortisol, another hormone that affects your appetite. So, the less you sleep, the more hunger pangs you’ll feel during the day.  

– A tired body craves a quick source of energy – carbs and sugar. Eating too much of these foods is sure way to store fat instead of burn it.  

– Loss of sleep interferes with the body’s natural carbohydrate metabolism and blood sugar regulation. If you’re not getting enough sleep on a regular basis, you’re much more likely to suffer from blood sugar swings and eventually insulin resistance.  

– Less sleep also means less natural growth hormone production. This hormone directly controls the distribution of fat and muscle throughout the body. Less growth hormone equals more fat and less muscle – not what we’re looking for when it comes to health and weight loss.  

Get some downtime. The body and mind can’t handle always being on the go. Take a little break every day and just relax without worrying about the million other things you could be doing.  

Massage the cortisol away. Well, no one had to tell you a massage helps you unwind, but several studies have shown regular massage therapy is an effective way to slash cortisol levels  

Laugh till it hurts. Laughter can help reduce cortisol–by as much as 39 percent says a study from Loma Linda University. So pop in a DVD of your favorite sit-com or hang out with your buddy the wannabe comedian to melt the stress away.  

The little things add up. Studies show simple things like chewing gum, spending time with loved ones, deep breathing exercises or spending a few minutes meditating can help reduce cortisol levels.  

And yes, because I advocate and truly absolutely HANDS DOWN believe in evolutionary eating for EVERYONE’S health, here are some cholesterol facts. Yummmmmy, yummy cholesterol- I love my butter, my eggs, and my rib eye steak baby!  

1-Cholesterol is not a deadly poison, but a substance vital to the cells of all mammals. There are no such things as “good” or “bad” cholesterol only density. Mental stress, physical activity and change of body weight may influence the level of blood cholesterol. A high cholesterol is not dangerous by itself, but may reflect an unhealthy condition, or it may be totally innocent.  

2- A high blood cholesterol is said to promote atherosclerosis and thus also coronary heart disease. But many studies have shown that people whose blood cholesterol is low become just as atherosclerotic as people whose cholesterol is high.  

3- Your body produces three to four times more cholesterol than you eat. The production of cholesterol increases when you eat little cholesterol and decreases when you eat much. This explains why the ”prudent” diet cannot lower cholesterol more than on average a few per cent.  

4- There is no evidence that too much animal fat and cholesterol in the diet promotes atherosclerosis or heart attacks. For instance, more than twenty studies have shown that people who have had a heart attack haven’t eaten more fat of any kind than other people, and degree of atherosclerosis at autopsy is unrelated with the diet.  

5- The only effective way to lower cholesterol is with drugs, but neither heart mortality or total mortality have been improved with drugs, the effect of which is cholesterol lowering only. On the contrary, these drugs are dangerous to your health and may shorten your life.  

6- The new cholesterol-lowering drugs, the Statins, do prevent cardio-vascular disease, but this is due to other mechanisms than cholesterol-lowering. Unfortunately, they also stimulate cancer in rodents.  

7- Many of these facts have been presented in scientific journals and books for decades but are rarely told to the public by the proponents of the diet-heart idea.  

8- The reason why laymen, doctors and most scientists have been misled is because opposing and disagreeing results are systematically ignored or misquoted in the scientific press.  

And NOWWWW some pics from this weekend at the crawfish boil!  


Me and some of the frat guys…one on the left is a cutie, ain’t he?