Happy belated Easter to all my readers!! How was everyone’s Easter? Eat good food? Get any goodies? Well, let me tell you Mother Nature came through for me in shining colors!!!!! It got up to like 87 degrees yesterday! Beginning of the day it was mucky and I was like ehh… what are we gonna do all day? So, I got together the side dish I was bringing. I brought deep fried black eyed peas. If you’re interested, here’s what you do.

  1. soak 16 oz black eyed peas overnight
  2. replace water, add onion, garlic and jalapeños
  3. bring to a boil and turn to low just until beans are tender
  4. put on a paper toweled cookie sheet and cool
  5. heat oil to 375, sprinkle beans with flour
  6. deep fry 6-8 minutes a batch
  7. drain on paper towels and sprinkle with Tony Saturies seasoning or old bay and salt

 They were a huge hit- even my Cajun mama loved them! Originally I was going to bring something I would eat (I hate beans), and was thinking of stuffing an artichoke or doing something with an artichoke. Well, I looked through recipes and they were either all time consuming or all expensive and I simply don’t have that kind of money for one piece of food. So, peas were 98 cents and oil was 2 dollars. I had onion and garlic; roommate had jalapeños and the seasoning blend. CHEAP side dish! Score…

Anyways, ended up spending ALL DAY in the sun and even worked up the guts to jump in the pool at 68 degrees!!! I was such a wuss at first cuz when your skin is scorching hot from the sun and you touch that cold water… whhheeeeewwwweeeeee hahah. Then I was like whatever and jumped in- spent the rest the time on a float in the pool. Oh how I love summer days in the pool and sun. I really really miss living at home and having the pool to swim in every morning. I use to swim like clock work for 20 minutes every single morning either before work or before coffee on the weekends. I miss it dearly. It woke me up and got me in a good mood everyday to start the day. Ho hum… life goes on I suppose. Sucks…

I also got an Easter present from my parents…I know I am 24 really haha. They got me a 100% Ghirardelli chocolate bar!!!!! Lovely, I love them. Ate the whole thing last night. Yum yum! For Easter “dinner” I guess you call it we were going to do a crawfish boil but couldn’t find anyone to break a sack and between the four of us, there’s no way we could finish a 50lb sack of crawfish. So, instead we grilled burgers, sausages, and I brought my rib eye a guy at work had bought me Friday when I couldn’t have meat! Perfectly aged and ready on Easter evening! Made a vegetable kabob with lots of onions, Brussels and mushrooms to go with it and slapped the fatty yummy rib eye on top of some romaine I found in the fridge! All in all, very successful Easter and day searing my skin in the sun.

In other news… I was thinking last night. You notice how blogs are really UPPPP and then DOWNNN and then sorta in-recovery and then sorta out-of-recovery and then sorta treading-the-line-of-health-recovery?? There seems to be so much “I am stable” and so much “I am only doing what I absolutely HAVE to do to get by” kinda talk and I will be the one to take it upon myself and address, because really, after my last post(which I still do not regret posting, it’s the truth) I plan to speak my opinion and voice what I think. Back to recovery. It seems, to me at least, the this full-factor and meal plan goal meeting- it’s all good and fun until you start cutting from it, until you start living your world around your exchanges, and until you start using it with some obnoxious tallying system, calorie counting, and burning factor. This seems JUST AS disordered to me and I do not understand it. Meal plans should be based around what you like first of all. If you really like ____(oatmeal seems popular) then freakin eat it. eat a bowl. Eat 2394501934 bowls. But what’s the deal with having ¼ cup with 2 cups of water? Just put some oatmeal in a bowl, add hot water, then go for one of those all inclusive concoctions floating around the food blog-o-sphere. Eat. Just….eat.

Back to the feeling of full. Most people have experienced the sensation of being uncomfortably full. Most people however, do not and are not forced into having this feeling everyday for months on end because they need to gain weight. Given, on thanksgiving, Christmas and other sporadic food-centered holidays throughout the year (which I despise) people come intending to get their fill, eat until full, then usually lay around and talk about the food and how full they are. In recovery, we face this EVERY_SINGLE_DAY. If you are really, full heartedly in recovery, you are tipping-point-full every flippin time you eat. And you should be. You are trying to gain weight. This whole well I am eating according to ____ or in amounts of XXX is bullshit, in my opinion. If you need to meet food groups or portions, okay I understand. Trust me, if you’re in recovery from anorexia, eat real food. Eat as much of it as you want until you’re full. Then you’re DONE, at least until the next meal. Doing this, day in and day out- it royally sucks I know. But if you aren’t doing this, then you’ll never get to a stage in recovery where you DO feel fine, where you can go on instinct, where you’ll have a moment in time where it occurs to you “shit I missed breakfast.” If you do not learn to eat until you fill yourself up, your metabolism will never rebound from starvation, your body will never be allowed to heal itself, your bones will never be able to nourish themselves and repair vital organs.

EAT…PRAY….LIVE…. my motto. Recovery blows. Normal people do not understand what it is like to go around everyday with a full and dissenting belly. Normal people eat when they are hungry. Normal people usually stop when they are no longer hungry. Well, thank you anorexia I have absolutely no flippin clue when I am hungry or when I am thirsty. So, I eat, I drink, I pray. I surely am aware of what full is because I feel it all the time. At my job, at my house, in my car- everywhere. Full is always there because it seems like I am always eating. Even after a 18oz rib eye and a huge plate of vegetables last night, I was still hungry. So I ate, until I was full and thank God I was finally done eating then. I notice my brother and parents though. They ate, and regardless they were done eating. MUST BE FREAKING NICE. Like really, I adore that capability in people. Friking why does it take so much food to fill up the anorexic in recovery!??! Blows my mind. My body goes through food like a wood-boaring bee on the side of my house!

This is one of the main things I get frustrated people “just don’t get” about recovery. You’re told to “just eat” and while I see it, I agree with it, I preach it, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA ON THE FACE OF GOD’S GREEN EARTH WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE FULL EVERY DAY 24/7 UNTIL MY WEIGHT IS RESTORED!??!?!?! Once in a while, that’s fine. Everyone deals with the gluttonous thoughts from being overly full once in a while. But everyday, every single meal- are you doing that? If  you meet your “meal plan” one day and restrict the rest of the week in fear of the full feeling again, where exactly is this going to get you?? What is being accomplished with this? You need need need to MEET and exceed in my opinion any meal plans and portions counting or tallying you are doing. Do it, repeatedly. You need to make the decision to be IN RECOVERY not beating around the bush of recovery. Don’t just occasionally eat a whole cup of yogurt, do it everytime you have yogurt. Don’t cut a chicken breast in half because you eat a “whole sweet potato”- eat the whole damned piece of chicken and the sweet potato and put some butter on your potato and cheese on your chicken.

My theme of the week… Just Eat…

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