I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost… I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in… it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

– Author unknown

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.

Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you’re going to do now – and do it. – William Durant


Some things just never cease to amaze me. Does this ever happen to you guys? Just like something happens, you think about it, and well damnit now that you think about it, it wasn’t much of a surprise to you. For example, week 3-4 of my recovery I posted that my BMI had reached 16 according to doctors. Well, while my weight has stayed the same, my BMI has gone down almost 2 points (or percents?).

At first I was shocked and it made NO sense to me. But then I attempted to “analyze” and figure out what the hell was going on and my conclusion? My body was obviously so deprived of muscle that when it got some “mass” added, it immediately turned it to muscle because my body was unable to keep up with its functioning with the sad muscle mass I did have. So, while my weight may be “up to” XXX, it’s practically a step backwards in progress because I have fallen in the BMI category. I have enough rants and raves about how ridiculous I think the BMI thing is anyways, but regardless of what my BMI is or isn’t, I AM gaining weight until I get my period back. There is no if ands or butts (besides a growing one) about this. I WANT children.

Do I feel fine? Yes, actually I do feel rather regretfully normal. Regretfully because I am here feeling fine day in and day out, yet I have no found myself or figured out who the hell I am. I am really unsure of how exactly to do that besides keep living, keep staying active, and keep talking/laughing/eating. Eventually maybe instead of trying to “find myself” I will simply become myself and not worry about being a person but living? If that makes sense awesome haha because to me it did. Worrying gets me no where. It never has and it never will.

I do a lot of research. Mostly nutritionally based, but evolutionarily based, almost from an anthropological standpoint. I am flabbergasted by the diseases of civilization, the rampant cases of ADHD, the crooked teeth of every child running around with braces, and the obnoxious state of health America is in. it blows my mind that it is somehow legal to sell some of the stuff in the aisles of the grocery stores. But, the more I learn, the more I see it all revolves around our money making stupid capitalistic society.

I will admit one thing, I am glad to be a “Paleolithic” eater now that this damned health reform care bill junk-thing has been passed. I don’t get sick so it’s awesome. I eat real food so that’s awesome. I see the path to disease and diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks. People have got to GOT TO STOP eating so much flippin unreal food. Really, if it didn’t once grow or breathe, it is not food. It seems to come as a surprise to people that out nation is in such a deadly state of health.

Why people are surprised that the food we evolved with protects us from degenerative disease is beyond me. Really, common sense peeps. But further than that, a diet that meet and exceeds all these touted “healthy benefits” people mass consume with unnatural  levels of proteins, and levels of fats, oils, minerals, vitamins, and phytochemicals. Seems the newest best “superfood” is touted, everyone runs out to try it out! Ridiculous. All this does is make another system malfunction while one is in supermode.

Notice disease gets worse and worse the further away from our diet of evolution we go.  All things considered, its just commonsense. It doesn’t need ‘scientific proof’.

Vegetable-wise I found the most likely vegetables of our ancestors: The most powerfully protective domesticated vegetables that we are likely to eat are spinach, garlic, broccoli, brussels sprouts, carrots, sweet potato, red pepper, winter squash, and frozen peas – more or less in that order. These are outstanding vegetables, but every vegetable is an important contributor to well being.

Oh, and if I had to define one superfood, it would be coconut oil. Eat it, cook with it, do everything with it. eat coconuts, shredded, coconut flour, coconut whatever you can come up with. Coconut Oil is a superfood. Yes, it’s 92% saturated fat! And it possesses anti-viral and anti-fungal properties.

Another thing I learned. More runners die of heart attacks and cardiovascular disease. they have more bone problems and calcium leeched from their bones. They die earlier and are all around Unhealthier than non-runners. WOO!!! I have been waiting for this information forever. If you don’t believe me check out this http://www.paleonu.com/panu-weblog/2010/3/21/still-not-born-to-run.html and this http://www.paleonu.com/panu-weblog/2009/11/1/cardio-causes-heart-disease.html .

What else have I been up to… reading up on foods of the region you live in. my interest was sparked to find out about my climate natural food in a post by Matt Stone here http://180degreehealth.blogspot.com/2010/03/more-appropriate-nutritional-insight.html . it is hard to find a list of foods that actually naturally grow in the tropical and sub tropical regions. For meat it is pigs, which were not at all raised as ours are. Then lamb, goat and beef. Lamb is expensive. Beef I love haha it’s a keeper, with coconut oil! Also, starchy tubers and roots were staples. I have been eating them too! Lots of exotic fruits and NOTHING like the genetically modified sugar overloaded junk of fruit they sell in stores now. I don’t see myself adding fruit back in anytime soon. I am not missing anything from it and it hurts my teeth. I am way over thinking here. I know, denial is a silent scream for help. I hate this food and perfectionism thing I get caught up in.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: You learn by living. You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Remember my lent goals?

Goal #1: Include one meal a day that is meat free- DONE, CHECK!

Goal #2: Stop STOP STOP saving calories for night time- not going so well… actually it may have gotten worse…

Goal #3: Stop making snacks bigger than meals. I don’t know WHY I do this but I do. Besides the night snacking this is better

Goal #4: Conquer chickpeas and winter squash by the end of Lent- CHECK!! squash is ALL varieties. Chickpeas…not yet.

Goal #5: Spend at least 20-30 minutes with my parents after I eat dinner. I don’t live at home anymore, maybe I should do this with my roommate? But ehh, I hate TV.

Goal #6: Read the bible at least 10-15 minutes before I go to sleep. Sometimes I do, depends if I am talking to the boy or not.