Hey guys! I feel like it has been forever! Almost a week! Well I am doing pretty well. I definitely met my goal to nourish myself this past week, as I have been eating like a bottomless pit! I have felt like my body is in like 6th gear going through food it is ridiculous! At first I was scared, because I do not like being full. Then I was like, well if I really am this hungry then my body must be using everything I am giving it. So, I have been eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am full. What a concept- go figure. Sometimes this has been like 8 meals a day and I am in no way joking. I am very glad I do not have some sort of fit day account thing haha. If I knew how much I was eating I would definitely freak.
Which, speaking of, how do you guys feel about being full? I have no problem eating when I am hungry or stopping when I am satisfied. But if I eat until I am full, then I have a horrendous nights sleep, I analyze everything and I get so frustrated and mad at myself for being gluttonous. I just cannot stand sitting around and feeling full. Anyone else get this?
I had a rather uneventful week to tell you the truth. It was rather nice out and that always puts me in a good mood. Me and the sun have this like love affair I swear. You know that time of day when the sun is just about to set, it is warm/hot out and everything is incredibly peaceful. I LOVE this time of day and it just so happens it is usually about the time I get off work. Talk about relaxing. When it is warm enough and ALWAYS in the spring and summer I sit outside as the sun sets, relax, and breathe. It is like heaven. The feeling I get matches no other- it is complete and udder peace.
Some things bothering me. If I could invent a new eating disorder it would be- Nighttime eating when your bored syndrome. This is where I get anxious, nervous, and my anxiety soars. For some reason I am soo go-go-go in my mind all night it causes me to have this incredible nervous energy and I feel the need to snacky snacky snacky. It drives me nuts. It results in me being overly full and not being able to sleep because all my food is busy digesting. I am not at all ready for bed when I am trying to sleep and it makes everything, well sucky. I toss and turn for like the first three hours being in bed, wake up, pee, sit up, think, toss…turn. You get the picture. I gotta stop doing the majority of my eating at night. It is not a good habit to get into. It keeps me to much in my comfort zone and in my bubble. It also messes up social plans and other things I COULD be doing at night but do not do because well, I wouldn’t be able to sit around and play on the internet and snack. Geez, I sound like a fat pathetic cat woman or something. I must stop this crap.
Besides that, I walked a 5k on Friday that a couple people at work sponsored me for!!!! Now, other years I would have spent all year running, training, practicing, blah blah blah. But I have no been allowed exercise for so long so I have no done ANYTHING in so long I decided to sign up just to walk. So I did. Wow…haha to say the LEAST I am so firkin out of shape it is ridiculous! I walked the whole thing, save the last stretch where I could see the finish line and I jogged to it. Haha I could feel my legs being warmed up and sore just from this like 30 second span of jogging. Anyways, it was for church and a good cause so I felt good doing it. After the “race” I was not even tired! I was surprised if anything I had more energy than when I started! So that was good. But my knees paid the price like big time. A 5k is only like 3 miles I think and my knees have been sore ever since. You know how people squat down on their knees to like pick something up. I cant do that nor have I been able to for like 3 years. My knees cant take that tight bend there and past like 20degrees approximating it, I don’t do any further bend. I use to be able to sit Indian style, on my knees etc etc but not any more. Stupid bones/joints and years of abuse on my body- annnnnnnooyyying.
Yesterday was the Irish Italian fest in the town I live in. the morning starts off with a parade where they throw beads and have a band hootin and hollering. It is fun. It is then followed by mass being done in Celtic and some Irish and Italian it is really cool. Then the priest leaves mass to the bag pipes (and guys in kilts lol) and after mass there is a HUGE celebration, beers on tap, music and food for like 3 blocks of town. It is a big fest and a SUPER fun time. I got to see my priest who is retired I have no seen in a long time and I thought had moved to Ireland so to see him was SUCH a great surprise and good time. He said my skin looks amazing and I look healthy! Coming from him this is like sosososososososooo important. If you have taken the time to read the like 10 part story I posted on here you will read that when I first seeked help I did not have money for it and approached my priest(same guy) who paid for my first outpatient, nutritionist, doctors, dieticians, therapists and counselor…I owe my priest my life literally. He is an older Irish man, full of funny stories. He is just a great man. He has been over for dinner at my parents many of times and even came over for the super bowl one year! Anyways, having him say I look healthy happy and of course he asked about boys was great.
Speaking of boys, Jedd is doing well. He is in Kansas working though which sucks for me because K is there (BLEH) and he is stuck there for close to a month. So while I wont see him for a bit, I still talk to him everyday. He is sick at the moment I guess due in part to the weather change from LA to KS. They got a snow storm last night- haha sucks for them. I was thinking of making him some cookies and sending them to him in like a care package type of thing with a couple other things (ideas?). What do you think? Would that be cute or obsessive??
Mmkay so that’s my update..oh and I should add…2 nights ago I had chocolate. It was 100% cocoa Ghrilladelli. I have not had chocolate in like 5 or 6 years. I bought it myself. I ate the WHOEL ENTIRE BAR not on its own, but with HALF A BAG of raw macadamia nuts (like the economy bag). Mmkay, this was so unnecessary for me to do and I felt so disgusted in myself and with myself after that I wish I could still run 438590234875 miles, but regress, I got over it. Ew though, figures I did it at night time, watching TV like a fool and didn’t pay attention. I guess that could be a good thing, but seriously…SOME attention needs to be paid…
Mmkay I’ll get some more ED juice in my next post, I am hungry and my TV show (I watch TV like once a week save the weather channel- with chocolate obviously) is about to come on. Desperate housewives…anyone watch? I am hooked haha
Wishin y’all good eats!
Oh pss- stayed off the scale all week too!