“When you have a great and difficult task, something perhaps almost impossible, if you only work a little at a time, every day a little, suddenly the work will finish itself.”
– Isak Dinesen
Stop putting off for tomorrow. There is never and will never be a good time to recover from an eating disorder. If you are waiting for the day when you wake up and decided you will recover and free your mind, stop it. it doesn’t just “happen.” It requires damned hard work, it requires tears and laughter, it requires fear and anxiety, it requires feeling uncomfortable and buying bigger clothes. If it doesn’t, then you are not forcing yourself into recovery. You may think your “recovering from and eating disorder” but maybe your just playing it safe, beating around the bush, and putting for for tomorrow what needs to be done today. There will never be a perfect day to challenge yourself, a safe day for a new food or a lazy day to stop exercising. Are you waiting until you break a leg and are forced to stop running? Are you waiting for someone to shove a damned tube in you to make you eat? NO- you are better than that. You are STRONG, mature, and more mentally capable of changing your mind than you believe. There is never a “next time” to stop counting, tallying and tracking. Trust me, in the grand scheme of things, get on with life and start living it. Do it- and do it TODAY, like right now. Either sit here and continue reading so you do not exercise, or get a snack if it is outside snack time(thank you cottage cheese I just did). Stop living by the clock, the next meal, the best opportunity for change. You and ONLY YOU can set yourself up for change.
You and ONLY YOU are the only person capable of setting yourself up for disaster as well. Stop thinking and start acting. If you have not read this post READ IT NOW, seriously. Simply disregard my post and read this: http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com/2010/02/23/perspective/ . Do you understand? This is real, and that beautiful girl died. Can you imagine what her parents are going through? Now put yourself in the position. What do you think your parents are going through? No, it is not your fault, it is not my fault. It is no body’s fault and it never will be, but YOU can change. Are you eating? Anyone CAN eat and you can be eating. But are you eating for RECOVERY or just getting by. There is a huge difference and a painful realization in that sentence.
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” — Buddha
This is so true. Buddha is my man, the guy was a genius. Any of his simple quotes can be taken with such magnitude you get lost in self realizations. Or maybe I get way to caught up in deep thought haha but such as it is, silly quotes mean a lot to me. Simple realizations are keeping me sane in recovery. There is nothing more satisfying than learning to understand yourself, then realizing you are so much more than you present, and realizing life has endless possibilities outside your ED.
Okay, so I did not come to this conclusion overnight and I have “known” it all along. I can’t exactly tell you what made the change in my mind. It could be the self determination you commenter’s grace me with. It could be another death from an eating disorder causing me to put myself in my parents and loved ones shoes. It could be me, being so incredibly sick of this ED, and once again interested in life, guys, food, and happiness. It could be an incredible post by Tatiana earlier I read. It could be I put two and two together and opened up to a guy, a very attractive I wanna jump you here hot guy, and was totally myself full of life and laughter. I think I may even ask him on a date!
I have taken time to reread the comments given to me on my blog, and read inspiring comments on a few other blogs and have been gung ho on getting this out of my head and “on paper.” So here goes…this is my guide to recovery if you will. What has, thus far, helped me. Understand I know and experience PLENTY of bad times, bad feelings and bad thoughts and this is not my cure all but my reminder to keep myself on track. I plan to personally reread my own post weekly.
Are there obstacles you are failing to get through? Realizing and understanding the obstacles that are keeping you from being recovered is the first step you need to take. Backtrack from what you are doing and ask yourself what is standing in your way. Fear is not a reason. Fear is a consequence of facing your obstacles. Think about the current conundrum you are in. Is your life, right now, set up to make your goals attainable? Don’t rationalize, do it. If your life is not where it needs to be to recover, then get there. Get help. Make it happen. Life cannot interfere with recovery so be objective about your thoughts. This falls in line with the fact that there will never be a good time to start. Life does not give you a try again later or try at a better time card. Life is life, don’t let it live you. Excuses and what if’s as well as fear cannot be masqueraded as legitimate reasons.
And what about that ever turning high speed chase of a mind you and I deal with? Do you realize your ED is the cause of this nonstop nonsense going on up there? Cleaning out the years(in most cases) of mental garbage we have accumulated through our ED’s and organizing your thoughts/goals for success is a key aspect. Only you can help yourself and only you really know why you are where you are at the moment. You need to be welcoming of recovery, because as I said earlier get rid of the obstacles standing in your way. Whatever they may be, they are the same reasons your in your current condition. When the mental junk is organized and what needs to be addressed has taken front and center, only then can you focus you thoughts and energy on recovery- that which is conducive to change. Manage your thoughts appropriately. Give the positive thoughts more power by reminding yourself that they are true. Understand that the negative thoughts exist in your mind, know that they will be difficult to remove altogether, and learn to undermine them with positive thoughts such that over time they’ll lose their power.
So don’t wait, act now and make a plan (haha I sound like an infomercial, no?). What choices need to be made in order for you to fully recover? It is important that you are able to reach your goals that they are attainable, REALISTIC, and can be met in a REASONABLE amount of time. Think of it something like a time line. You’re never ending path of recovery and self realization. Do you see the end, because reread what I wrote if you cannot VISUALIZE yourself recovered. If you can’t see the end and picture you’re at your goals, meeting and exceeding them, then go back a few paragraphs and pinpoint the obstacles in your way.
With the end in sight (metaphorically), your mind will lead your body through recovery if you’re properly prepared and follow through. This involves those obstacles standing in your way. It involves removing them. The mind is SO powerful in your day to day life I cannot even express how helpful it has been to me to practice these realizations I make and to get a grip on my recovery. But what you need, what you must do is ready yourself for the experience of recovery and all of its amazing capabilities. So, consider those ED thoughts preventing you from reaching your goal, assess whether or not how you currently “run” your recovery will help of hinder you in reaching your goal. With this, align your thoughts and keep the ones influencing positive change. The rest of them, garbage, and promote yourself and your recovery. Get involved in yourself, in life, in food and in others.
Sounds like a lot if you ask me. Anyone can understand what I just wrote. Everyone one of us(myself included) can say they will make the changes. But recovery speaks for itself physically and for the most part mentally. People notice you change, embrace it. when you make the mental decision to accept recovery make it a permanent decision. If you are beating around the bush at a low BMI still obsessing over your next meal, you must choose to do something differently. Recovery is not magic, you have to make the changes and force them into habit. If you did not need to choose to do differently, then you would have already reached your goal. Does this make sense? EVERYONE has blocks stopping each of us from fully recovering. Everyone fears food, fear of the fact they will become an unstoppable eating force prone to obesity, fear the loss of control over food and the body, fear of who you really are, fear of normalcy, fear of honesty and to an extent, fear of recovery and happiness. Your ED wants you to stay disordered because it plays off that. If there is not controlling safe obsession going on then the ED would vanish. Yes, I have a problem with my head and yes, I am learning forcing myself into realizations and new habits. Not just one time “oh my gosh I did this I am so proud!” but HABITS. Not once, not twice or three- twenty one hundred times.
I think all in all, recovery is full of decision. Little, minute, seemingly pointless decisions and changes. Recovery signifies the result of an infinite number of insignificant decisions. Each one of the decisions seems of little importance, or maybe it is a huge deal, but it is precisely those little decisions that pave the way to recovery. Do you know what positive change do? Making the decision to pursue active recovery is making the decision to make positive thoughts, take positive actions. Big or small, they all add. Each positive thought, positive goal, positive action feeds off one another. In the end you have…RECOVERY! Again, mentally prepare yourself for it. It’s not like making cake out of a box. It sure as hell is not easy. You sure as hell will not WANT to do a lot of things you have to. But make that choice, that choice to be positive, to not loathe in the fact that “life sucks” and “recovery sucks.” Those thoughts play a toll on your ability to recover. Positive choice means not shaving your dinner of 500 calories because you didn’t move off the couch all day, not trying to get as many possible steps in a day you can, not letting ED thoughts become reality, not tinkering you meal plan to see if you can maintain your weight, not skipping out on a social outings because God forbid there is food, not sitting silently drowning in your own misery when you know you need to talk to someone. These NEGATIVE decisions, like the positive ones, each add up and feed off one another.
“Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you’re right” — Henry Ford
Making sense of this…the decision is yours. Blunt works well for me in recovery, tough love and smacking problems AS they occur face on works for me. I hate it, but I need it. the decision is always mine. Choosing not to hold myself back from recovering was the best decision I ever made.
Again, I am no genius but I think, and I think a lot. Recovery is not easy for me, at all. What you think may come across as a cocky self imposed post I just made, is not, but it IS blunt.
So, what are you thoughts? Have you chosen to organize your thoughts? Have you tackled the obstacles in your way? Have you PROMISED yourself to make positive decisions?
It is one hell of a sacrifice and one hell of a ride, I will give it that. But, and a repeat realization, there is nothing about recovery that can hurt me.