Okay, I am not a promoter of the Marisol website; however a recent upheaval over there has led me to way to much rage not to post. The jest of it is that she decided to post and call-out a bunch of people who are eating and living JUST FINE with a Zero Carb diet. They are not gurus, Nazi’s or anything else she might expose them to be. Two people in particular deserve MUCH attention and compensation. I am so not into this internet flaming thing. This is my reply I just left on her board:

I can seriously NOT believe this blog entry has gotten this much damned attention. While I welcome and thank any support coming my way let me set one thing straight…

ZC was a Godsend for me at a time when I literally wished otherwise to die. The nutrition I received from ZC allowed to at first to see so clearly. It did not last as things with ED’s work like that. It became a mind game and anti_AC person, you are RIGHT ON THE MONEY to say that I left all in one post because I was scared shitless. After a year living off of meat a sudden change like that pretty much whip lashed what I thought was recovery. It was so frightening. And yes, it sucks right now, the adjustment, but guess what, I’ll live and I will beat this f-ing thing.

As for Margot– I deserved what I got. Margot’s friendship means A LOT TO ME, and until this morning I had not read this blog, or ZIOH so I was a bit out of the loop. It saddens me to no end to know Margot is upset with me but I hope she reads this and understands that I was scared, I realized I had ZERO control over my ED and my recovery and it made it that much more hurtful to know that I had hurt other people. I don’t do this trust and emotions thing well AT ALL, and her being upset is heartbreaking, she means a lot to me whether I ever meet her or not. Margot I know loves me, and I love her too! Literally I think I would say I love you to her if I ever chatted on the phone with her

And SUZANNE– I OWE MY LIFE TO THIS WOMAN HELLO!!! Did y’all miss in my journal where she said GET HELP, SHE SAW AND SHE REALIZED THAT I WAS NOT GETTING ANYWEHRE. She was the ONLY flipping person on that whole site to attack me for staying thin, to attack me for my routine and antics. SHE SAW what I needed. OMG I WOULD LOVE TO JUMP ON HER AND GIVE HER A BIG SMOOCH ON THE CHEEK! She is an amazing straight forward and hard working individual. Again, I commend her for beating her bulimia. I have NO idea what that is like and I would imagine it is an f-ing nightmare. She found her golden ticket. YOU ALL best believe she is 23948659364592136454 times healthier RIGHT NOW than she would EVER have been binging and purging. Her life isn’t perfect but who the hell’s is. One amazing aspect about her is that she IS who she IS. She accepts her flaw, everyone has them, and she moves on. MY GOD, GOOD FOR HER- I wish I could do that. Now damnit stop bashing her, I am very offended by this.

To clue you in, I “met” Margot at a low-carb forum some like 3 years ago. She went on to become my internet mom. I was intrigued by her and her effort to genuinely HELP me. She was so enthusiastic toward my recovery. She has compassion, heart and I do believe she sincerely treated me love and respect, almost like one of her children. I do not think in any way she intentionally was out to hurt my feelings because if I put myself in her shoes, I would have felt a lot of remorse losing contact with someone whom I checked in on, on a daily basis. But one has to understand how frightening it was for me to realize the fight I was fighting was with my ED and not against it. I thought I was still in control and I surely had been mistaken. That was a very scary thought considering the time I have put into recovery, my age and the thought of being an anorexic trying to recover.

I also “met” Suzanne at the same low-carb forum and was immediately drawn to her personality, charisma and straight forward tough love and charm. She is an independent strong woman. She has overcome a harder disease than I believe anorexia to be. I idolize her and I admire that she doesn’t sit around trying to justify what she does. THAT characteristic in itself is a MAJOR light bulb that she is ten times better now than she has ever been. She lives her life, she eats meat(who the fuck cares?!) and unless you are HER you will never truly understand why what she does works for her.

Now, if the blog world would like to spend their time depicting the lives of others, hashing out at them without back up or knowing them, then be my guest. But seriously, while you’re trying your best to find faults in them and point them out for the blog world to see, look at yourself. We ALL have faults, please don’t get your kick in life from trailing the lives of others.